Nobody Knows
by HerNamewasAlice
Summary: Nobody knows that the loving wife of Ben Solo was kidnapped as a teenager. Nobody knows. Not their family or closest friends. Not even their twelve year old son, Benny.
1. Cookiecutter Family

**A/N: warning : abuse, kidnapping, and underage sex**

* * *

Benjamin Solo Junior (Benny for short) knew he was lucky. It didn't occur to him how lucky he was until he got older. He's the only kid in his group of friends that has both of parents in his life. In his group of three friends (with him it makes four), he's the only one who doesn't have a dead parent or a dead beat dad or divorced parents or abusive parents or parents who were unhappily married. His parents were madly in love with one another and rarely fight. Out of the twelve years of his existence, he's only experienced mom and dad fighting twice but they always make up within an hour.

His dad doesn't leave for weeks doing who knows what or comes back with some other woman's perfume like his friend Greg's dad.

And his mom isn't an alcoholic like Joss's mom (her full name is Jocelyn).

Benny's parents were kinda perfect. He would never say this out loud though. It's not something you should say because not everyone was fortunate. The last thing he wanted to do was make his friends sad. His parents had taught him to be humble and kind and he goes by this ceremoniously.

The only time that he didn't was when he was in Kindergarten (which this really doesn't count since he was five). Five year old him used to go around telling the other kids that he had the prettiest mom until his mom taught him not to. But it was true though. He does have the prettiest mom because all the other PTA moms were envious of her youthful beauty. She looks young still as if she's still in her early twenties. His mom has high cheek bones, bright soft skin, wide green eyes, and the prettiest smile. She's so slender and slim that strangers are always in disbelief that she was his mom. People always think that she's his big sister.

His mom is what all moms should be, loving and caring. She makes sure the house is kept to shape while being an active member of the PTA and the community center while making sure she was there for the family. She's a great cook unlike his friends' moms. She's the only mom in the bunch that doesn't feed her kids take out or frozen dinners or burns every dish including toast or forget to come at home and feed her family. His friends look forward to sleepovers at his house (which he holds them once a month since he was five years old). They love being at his house than their owns because they feel safe there and they feel comfortable to even ask for advice from both of his parents.

Hell, to think of it, him and his group mostly hang out at his house. Benny doesn't mind it though because his home is a safe place. There's no parents fighting and throwing things at each other in the background. His house always had food and was kept clean. His mom was a saint really. She doesn't mind giving rides to his friends whenever their parents forget and she knows what's cool too.

His dad is great too. He has a great relationship with his dad. He doesn't have a dad who's never around like Max's dad. Dad is good looking as much as mom was pretty. He's a bit older than mom and most dads but he's the best looking dad. He isn't overweight or balding like most dads. He doesn't have a pot belly or anything. Dad was fit and still had a full head of hair. Mom was cool but in the cookie cutter way while dad was actually cool. Sure he's embarrassing at times but he's really cool. Dad never loses his temper and he doesn't mind that Benny practices the drums and guitar a lot at home.

In fact, Dad jams with him from time to time. Dad plays bass while he plays guitar. Most kids find that weird but Benny doesn't care. He's happy that his dad wants to spend time with him. He's happy that his dad goes to all of his band recitals and baseball games despite being tired from work. He's happy that his dad is very generous. When he was younger, Dad now and then would take him and his friends to Toys R Us and get them whatever they wanted. Dad knows his friends' situations and does his best to make things better. He never gets mad even when one time Greg accidentally broke a vase. Dad doesn't mind that his friends are always around. He doesn't mind giving them rides to the arcade and the mall. Hell, he still gets them ice cream if they asked.

Benny can basically go on. Overall, his parents are good people.

* * *

Benny takes after his dad. A lot actually. That's why he's Benjamin Solo Junior. He looks exactly like dad down to the pale skin, lean built, and dark curly hair. Well almost. His hair is soft and tamed and not as wild and he has his mom's tiny slender nose. This, Benny is grateful. He's glad he doesn't have the Solo men's large crooked nose gene.

He keeps his hair the same style as dad's, shoulder length and half flipped back to keep the hairs from his eyes.

They both love cult classic movies and rock music. Besides drums and guitar, Benny plays the trumpet at school. He wants to be a musician one day and dad can't help but to be thrilled.

Mom always smiles and calls them Big Benny and Little Benny.

* * *

Mom and dad kiss a lot. They kiss more than most parents too because they're still in love.

It grosses Benny out but he never complains. He rather see them kiss than to them fight like Greg's mom and dad. The only time that Benny reacts is when he catches dad slapping or groping mom's ass. Which is kind of often. Dad will stop though if he gets caught though.

Benny's thankful with just that. He shuddered at the memory of him and the gang going to Joss' house and walking in to Joss' mom naked and in a compromising positon with a strange man. It was horrible. Joss' mom and the guy were too drunk to notice they were there and kept going. Naturally the gang ran back to Benny's house in horror. Long story short, mom gave Joss' mom a piece of her mind and doesn't allow the gang to ever go to Joss' house. Mom rather have all the kids in her house than to be exposed to anything like that.

The whole gang knows about sex. They're twelve and learned about it (just the surface) from health class last year. Like about condoms and saying no and stuff. For Joss, she had to go to an extra meeting because she was a girl and had to learn about periods and stuff.

Mom and dad were especially being extra lovey today because it's his mom's birthday today.

They're PG though, just kissing and no tongue. She's on dad's lap and giggling as he kissed her.

"Gross, come on mom, blow out the candles before it's gone," Benny says as he scrunched up his nose. Mom's birthday is today but they'll have her party with everyone on Saturday. He likes spending time with just the three of them but wished there was a crowed for mom and dad to stop being so damn affectionate. "Come on. You guys are gross." Dad and him had sang her happy birthday like five minutes ago but she had failed to blow her candles because Dad started being all kissy.

"Hey kid if we weren't gross, you wouldn't be born," his dad teases.

Mom chuckled and pulls away to blow out her cake.

"Yay!" Benny says as both him and Dad clapped. He stared eagerly as his mom plucked the wax sticks and began to cut the cake. He and Mom have the same taste in cake, vanilla and strawberries. Dad was more of chocolate person.

They all sat down and took their time eating their cake. Benny was already on his second slice. He couldn't help but to stare in awe at his parents who were giving one another soft smiles. He likes when he gets to see them act like, mom's the most happy when Dad gives her a soft smile.

The moment is cut short though. "Benny are you sure you'll be okay tonight?" Mom asked. Mom and Dad are going out tonight and won't be coming back until tomorrow morning to give Benny a ride to school.

"I'll be fine," he laughed. "I'm twelve years old mom. I don't need Grandma watching me anymore."

"Are you sure?" she bit her lip. "You know our numbers right? And 911 right?"

"Mom! I have your numbers already saved in my phone," Benny laughed. "Don't worry I promise I won't burn the house or open the door to strangers."

"I'm sorry your mother's overprotective," Dad smirked.

Mom rolled her eyes but her face softened and flushed when she sees Dad wink at her. "I'm sorry, it's just the first time we're leaving you alone without any adult supervision."

"I'll be fine mom. I won't throw any wild parties or anything."

"Yeah, he's just going to stay up all night playing video games," Dad teases.

"Stop," Mom playfully pinched Dad's nose.

"Don't worry, I promise I wont," Benny promises. He'll only play until midnight. But she doesn't have to know.

"Promise?" she asked with hope in her eyes.

"Promise."

Mom kisses him on the cheek. "Don't be afraid to call us okay."

Benny nodded.

They continued to eat the cake and the rest of the food that Dad had got from her favorite restaurant. Benny was about to reach for another slice of cake when he notices the candles on the table. It occurred to him that Dad never gets numbered candles, just stick ones. "Hey Mom," he began. "How old are you?"

His mom laughed gently. "A woman never reveals her age Benny."

"She's forever young, Benny," Dad says.

"Come on, tell me. How old are you?"

She paused for a moment and then spoke. I'm thirty four, honey."

Benny beamed in pride. "See was it so bad in admitting your age? You're not even that old."

"Thanks," she laughed. "That's reassuring since I turned a year older."

"It's alright," Dad says, squeezing her hand. "To me, you'll always be that beautiful young girl I met at the coffee shop."

* * *

Rey is actually twenty eight years old. And Ben is thirty nine years old.

She had Benny when she was sixteen and Ben was twenty seven. On the papers Ben had made out for her, she's six years older than what she is. It made things easier especially when she got married and gave birth to Benny in a hospital.

Sometimes it amazes her how much her relationship with Ben has changed over the years. She's in love with him, her husband. Her feelings for him were unconditional for the last ten years. The first two years were something else. The second year was when she slowly fell in love with him. And the first year, it was...something else.

He had kidnapped her a few months before she turned sixteen. He kept her locked up in his basement, the very basement in their house. It's the very basement that their son uses to practice his music. It was the perfect basement for that because it was soundproof. Their son uses the basement half of the year though because in the summer it gets scorching hot there even with fans and all.

Rey knows it's soundproof because of all the days she had spent screaming for help before he came back in the night from work.

He had got her pregnant immediately since he had kidnapped her. They didn't know she was pregnant until she started showing symptoms. She remembers it well, remembers him making her take multiple pregnancy tests within several weeks to make sure.

_Positive. She was pregnant. Warily she stepped out of the bathroom of the basement and she shows him the stick. She was trembling as she held the test in her hand. _

_He locked his eyes on the positive sign. He was silent._

_She shut her eyes and waited for him to strike her for getting pregnant._

_But he doesn't. _

_Instead he embraces her._

_She couldn't help but to wince. _

_"You're no-ot mad?" she asked, stuttering._

_He shook his head and laughed._

_Her skin tightened. He sounded gentle. In awe._

_"No. I'm not mad. I'm happy."_

_"You are?"_

_He laughed again. "Of course I am. You're having my baby, Rey." He kisses her had softly._

_She went pale and froze. Did he - did he want to her to keep this? By the way his face was lightening up, she knew the answer. "You - you can't be serious."_

_"What?"_

_"You can't bring up the baby in this," she emphasized, pointing at her cell. The basement._

_He shook his head. "The baby's not going to be brought up here. The baby will have a room, the spare room. The baby will have a normal upbringing. The baby will go to school and go outside."_

_Rey couldn't help but to be sad that the baby inside of her was already being treated better than her. "And what about me?"_

_"You will be given a normal life once you're on good behavior."_

_Good behavior as in stay with him. Don't run away. Don't tell anyone that he had been keeping her locked up. _

_"You better go on good behavior soon," he tells her gently, touching her hair. "I want the baby to have a good life. I want the baby to have a mom and dad who love each other very much."_

_Rey couldn't help but to hit his hand from her. _

_He snatched her by the wrist. "Don't," he warns, his tone is low._

_"No!" she screamed. But it's pointless. No one can hear. "I don't want this baby! I don't want to bring this baby into this."_

_He smirked. "What are you going to do?"_

_"I-I'll make myself lo-se the baby," she stammered. They both know she's lying. The idea of harming her and another life was traumatizing as it is. _

_"If you do, I'll get you pregnant again. Over and over if I have to until you decide to keep the baby."_

_She became quiet. She knows that he's not lying. And she knows that he's not going to let her go._

_He kisses her gently. _

_She's still when he does this. Always. _

_"I'll give you a choice."_

_Rey forced herself to look into his dark eyes. _

_"You can either give birth here or in the hospital."_

_"Of course the hospital," she snapped. "That's a stupid thing to ask."_

_"You have to be on good behavior though," he tells her. "If you want checkups and being allowed to go outside, you have to be good."_

_"Are you honestly going to threaten your child's health?"_

_"No, but are you?"_

* * *

"Rey, are you alright?" Ben asked as he lightly tapped her shoulder. They were in the car and he was driving to take her to see the city lights.

She pulls away from the memory. "Yes- I'm fine."

He frowned. He saw right through her. He knows her triggers. One of them is when she's asked about her age. "I love you, Rey," he tells her. He keeps his eyes on the road as his free hand reached to hold her. "I love you very much." He had been violent to her the first months they had known each other but that was years ago, almost twelve years. "I'm not going to ever hurt you again." He hasn't. He's not violent with anyone, not her or their son.

She latches on to him and squeezes tightly. "I love you."


	2. Snowtime

Nobody knows. And she means it. Nobody knows that Rey was abducted by her husband. Not the neighbors. Not the parents of her son's friends. Not even her own friends.

Ben kidnapped her when she was only fifteen years old.

But he was not her captor.

How could he be? He did not take her away from her friends and family. She had none. She was an orphan who ran away from the foster system since she was thirteen. He did not steal the life she was supposed to live. She had nothing before him. She was nothing before him.

Nobody knew that she was taken because she had no one. Nobody knew she was kidnapped because she was reported as a runaway orphan two years back before being taken.

Rey had nothing before Ben. She was nothing.

And then he came and took her as if he was Hades himself whisking Persephone. Or rather, he took her away as if found a lonely runt of the litter alone in a box.

And maybe that's a better suiting description. He was a lonely owner without a pet and she was the unwanted runt who needed a home.

What he did was wrong but his heart is in the right place. He loves her, adores her, takes care of her, and fathered a child with her. He's done things in the past but he was a good man.

* * *

She remembers the following events prior before he had taken her. Vividly.

_He had been following her around, it occurred to her. This was the third time she had seen him in her vicinity this week. No - he couldn't be. She doesn't know who he is and this town was a small town. She had been jumping town to town since she had ran away and finally found a nice town that was safe for her to live on her own. No, she's just being paranoid - he doesn't speak to her or anything but it's strange that it's the third time she's seen him in the same place as her. Before she used to see him around at least once a week but now it's becoming frequent. _

_It's not like she could do anything. He's just minding his own business - at the market, at the coffee shop, at the park._

_It's just...unsettling. _

_But maybe they just have the same routes? This town she had recently migrated to is nice, the kind you see in old timey TV shows like Leave it to Beaver. She's managed to find a job too that doesn't require her to be eighteen or ask for papers. It's a small job that pays below minimum wage. But it's something. She works fifteen hours a week working for an autoshop. Four days of the week she goes to clean up the place and take the scraps to a nearby recycling center and brings them supplies. She's even found a good gas station bathroom to sleep in too and found a good park bathroom to sleep in to rotate._

_On her free days, she goes to the coffee shop just to be in a warm place that let's her stay there until midnight. She gets the cheapest thing on the menu, a cup of regular coffee for two dollars and thirty cents in order to be allowed to stay. Whenever she's hungry, she goes through her bag of everything bagels and cup of noodles she buys from the marketplace. The coffee shop is nice enough to give her hot water for it. She tries to live affordably in order to be able to save up for a place three years from now when she is eighteen and can rent a place of her own. Maybe in between that she'll be able to find a landlord that's willingly to rent a place to a teenager. Maybe she'll find a place she can afford but she doubts it because it's hard to make it by with minimum wage. She has most of her cash still but she knows that it's not enough for a month's rent. But what she has is enough to buy necessities - pads, toothpaste, food, shampoo, clothes. Spending her days at the coffee shop is a luxury she knows. Even though she only gets a small plain coffee, it adds up. She goes there three times a week and sometimes treats herself to the expensive cold foods the place has to offer._

_That's when she sees him, the man._

_He doesn't speak to her or anything, he just happens to be there at the coffee shop too because it's part of his routine too. He goes there once a week with a laptop and a book and does whatever he does. He doesn't bother anyone. He's to himself but Rey couldn't help but to find it odd that lately she's been seeing him more._

* * *

_Rey's always been hesitant being around men. He's a good looking man. Tall. Broad. Muscular. With dark hair and dark eyes. He's older and seems to have his life put to together. She doesn't know him but there's an aura about him. She's been spending too much time at coffee shops that she's able to read people. Some are here for homework. Some are here for peace or quiet. Some are here to relax or are here to meet up with people or here for free wi-fi. And some are here because they have work and he's one of those people. Rey doesn't even have to peek at his screen to know he's working. He doesn't laugh or giggle when he's with his laptop like the others. He's not stressed out like the college and high school students. He was focused and diligent. _

_He must be a man of a honorable position, she knew by the way his face creased whenever he touched the keyboard and read every single word presented on his screen._

_He looks fairly young, older for sure but young._

_She was here because she had nowhere else to go and no place to sit. She goes to the bookstore too but found more peace just sitting down. Sometimes she just sleeps when she's at the coffee shop, with her head resting on the table. She feels more safe to sleep there because she had built a good relationship with the workers and they keep an eye on her at all times._

* * *

_The girl with the shoulder length chocolate hair never gives out her name whenever she orders coffee. This is something Ben had noticed early on. She always give different names whenever a worker asked for her name for the order. _

_Amy. Julie. Brianna. But none was her name. Every time she's here, she's a different name. _

_Ben couldn't help but to wonder why. And the thing is, she's a regular here for the last few months and yet none of the workers say anything or ask for her name even though the girl does talks to them from time to time._

_Maybe because she's private._

_The girl is young - she shouldn't be so closed off. _

_But Ben, despite being perplexed by the girl, was fascinated. She's very odd. She comes here to just sit down with her thoughts with a cup of coffee beside her. He wonders what she's thinking about that keeps her entertained. She comes here with nothing. No phone to fiddle with. No company. No books either. She just sits there and half the time, she sleeps with her head on the table. She doesn't snore or anything, she's very quiet. _

_Sometimes, she sways with the background music._

_It's something at least._

_Sometimes, she reads the fliers._

_And on occasions, she scribbles something in her notebook. Ben looks forward to this because it's at least some type of mental stimulation. _

_She comes with a backpack. When she sleeps she uses it as a pillow and a way to make sure her things aren't stolen. She's very cautious, the girl. She always looks so scared. And worn out. She wears pretty much the same thing. Jeans that fit loose on her and an oversized hoodie and beat up sneakers with dangling laces that were close to being ripped out. The only thing that somewhat changed was her shirt. Sometimes she wears black. Sometimes she wears grey._

_Ben does his best to not be transparent about staring at her. He stares at her whenever she's not looking. The only time she glances at him is when she's scanning her surroundings before sleeping and afterwards._

_He couldn't help but to be interested in her idiosyncrasies. She constantly chews on her nails whenever something is on her mind. She takes off her shoes exactly at three o' clock and doesn't put them on until the shop is near closing. Whenever she's hungry she pulls out a cup of noodles or a bag of sandwich bread or bagels. She's nonchalant about it and no one seems to notice that the girl has all her belongings in that small backpack. He only knows after all the occasions when she pulled out for her jacket and other things fell out along the way like a toothbrush in a traveler's case, a blanket, a hair brush, toothpaste, and other articles of clothing. The strangest thing that fell out of her bag was a package of strawberries._

_Sometimes she reads but she reads the same three books from her bag. The books are worn and bruised just like her. She always look so disheveled and wide eyed, like a deer in headlights. Her clothes hang loose on her but he knows that she's small. Very small with freckles scattered about her face. The more he stared at her, the more he liked her face._

_She's very small, he can easily take her - it's not like he would. She's so small, it's to a point that she looks malnourished. But she eats, he knew. He watches when she does, pays attention. She eats but it's not enough, it's not the right substance to fuel her body. And worse, she rations. It kills him every time to watch her force herself to stop eating and put it away. Why does she do that? Why cant she eat until she was full? Why does she stop herself? Why? _

_This was one of many questions that he had about her. What was her name? How old was she? What does she do outside of this coffee shop? Where does she go? Where does she live?_

* * *

The night Rey was taken is forever etched in her mind.

But it doesn't haunt her like it once did.

If Ben never taken her, she would never have Benny. And she loves her son.

* * *

Christmastime is Benny's favorite time of the year. The first day of December, Mom and Dad and him drive up to a Christmas tree farm that's three hours away. Sure you can get a precut tree at any parking lot of a supermarket but there was something magical about driving up to a farm for it. Atmospheric. Serene. Mom always make sure she brings carrots and apple slices for the animals and she makes her famous sandwiches for the drive. Tea sandwiches she calls them, were the kind of sandwiches you see at a fancy tea party - no crust and cut up into tiny squares, cucumber and watercress, egg salad, cream cheese and smoke salmon, and meats cut into ribbon strips. Dad loves them, gobbles the whole thing if you're not careful.

Also the first week of December they take family pictures to send out as cards. Always. Every single year for as long as he can remember. The family picture is just Mom and Dad and him. It would be nice if they could get Grandma and Grandpa and Grandpa Luke (Benny calls him grandpa out of respect since he is Grandma's brother) but it's never going to happen. Grandpa Luke is always traveling due to work and Grandpa and Grandma are divorced and can't stand being in the same room together.

Benny doesn't mind though.

Sure, he's getting too old for it but it makes Mom happy.

Because even though it's a picture of three, the picture's whole. Their family of three is complete. Greg's family takes family photos too but you can see right through the fake smiles that the family was unhappy. Greg's family consisted of his mom and good for nothing dad who's not exactly loyal, his older sister Val who's too absorbed with high school to be involved, and his older brother John who's constantly switching majors and always bringing a different girl every year for their Christmas photos. Out of his group, Benny is the only one that's an only child. Max has two half brothers while Joss has an older sister that cut ties with them two years back. Joss couldn't blame her older sister Ash. Ash had to be the adult since their mom was always drunk or going on dates. Joss doesn't hate that her sister left, she's just sad that Ash didn't take Joss with her.

From the beginning, the gang knew their families celebrated the holidays differently. Greg's family is Jewish and Max spends Christmas house hopping. Relative to relative. Joss's family (when her sister was still around) celebrated Christmas but they never get a tree because Joss' mom thinks it's too commercial. Joss always wanted a real tree though or a fake one at least but it's too expensive. Every year, Benny would help her draw and paint a Christmas tree out of butcher paper and tape it on the wall. Other than that, Christmas for her is great because her whole family comes by and they have a big potluck and watch movies and her mom even dresses up and is happy. But since her sister had left, Christmas hasn't been the same.

Christmas in the Solo house lasted a whole month. They decorate their tree with popcorn string and all and have an advent calendar. The advent calendar in the Solo house consisted more than just bite size chocolate. There's little presents - not big ones - little ones. Little presents like mittens and new ornaments to add to the tree until Christmas. A week before Christmas, they go ice skating and go see snow. On actual Christmas, it's the calmest day of the month. On actual Christmas they stay at home all bundled up watching Elf and Charlie Brown Christmas and bake cookies.

He would never tell Max and Greg but he still loves that stuff. He loves spending a whole day with his Mom and Dad decorating the tree, making sure there were ornaments in every layer of the tree. He loves making special holiday cookies and classic Christmas meals with Mom and giving them out to the community center and the homeless shelter. He loves it when they go driving around looking at other people's houses and seeing their decorations. He loves it because he knows that Dad never had any good Christmases. Growing up Dad had to house jump with his parents and never had any traditions. Benny loves Christmas because Dad makes it magical. Dad gives his all to their family.

* * *

If you asked Benny who loved each other more, he would say it's Dad. It's not even a question. Dad loves Mom more. Everyone knows that. It doesn't mean that Mom doesn't love Dad, it's just Dad loves her more. Dad lights up the most when he's around her. He always gives her his full attention and whenever she's a few feet away from him, he watches her from the corner of his eyes. Dad is very protective of Mom and him but it's a good kind of protective, the warm and nurturing kind. Dad is very affectionate with Mom, he cuddles her and holds her in his arms.

That's why Christmas is a big thing around the Solo household. Dad makes Christmas grand because Mom never had any Christmases.

* * *

_Seeing his wife take care of their son makes his heart smile. She's so delicate with their three month old baby. She loves him, Ben knew by the way she softened whenever she had their son in her arms. Which is always. She always had Benny bundled up and in her arms. She's a good mother. She's attentive and nurturing. It's like second nature to her. Ben's not sure if it's because it's instinct or it's because she's been around babies her whole life when she was part of the foster care system._

_Rey loves being a mom, Ben knew. She stopped complaining about being impregnated so young and she never says anything about waking up every few hours to feed and change their baby. _

_Ben helps out too whenever he comes home from work even though she always insists for him to rest and relax._

_"Sweetheart I don't mind," he chuckled as gently took their baby from her. Their baby was crying but Ben knew how to soothe him. He rocked their son back and forth as he reached for a pacifier. He ignores the sight of Rey's face crumpling before him. He's used to it now, her being terrified that he'll hurt their son. But Ben isn't hurt. He knew the best thing he can do is to show her that she can trust him with their son. Their son stopped crying and slightly, she sighs. _

"_You work so much - I don't want you to be tired -_

_"It's fine. I look forward in spending time with him."_

_"You do?" _

_He nodded and pressed a kiss on her forehead. "And you too."_

_She's a wonderful girl- Ben can't stress that enough. It's more than he can ask for. Ben works five days a week from nine to six. Rey spends more time with the baby because of it and manages to take care of the house and do errands and always make sure there is food on the table for when Ben comes home. She's a good mother but sometimes it's hard for Ben to see her as one._

_When she holds their baby, it reminds Ben of a little girl playing with a doll. It especially feels that way when he sees her delight in putting their son in different clothes and costumes and taking a million pictures. Maybe it's because she's so small. When he looks at her, it's still hard for him to process that a baby came out of her. _

_It was a miracle itself that she was able to carry their baby to full term._

_But whenever her struggles to see her as a mother, he focuses on her adoration towards their son. _

_Ben just wished she looked at him like that. _

_He hasn't completely won her over yet. But she's coming around to him though, whenever he wants to have sex with her she complies without any refusal and whenever he wants to speak to her, she speaks back in conversations._

* * *

The first sign that she was beginning to fall for him was on December 1st, Benny's first Christmas. Benny was only three months old at the time.

Ben remembers the moment vividly, like the back of his hand.

The day before, on November 30th, when he came back from work, Rey was acting very different. Peculiar almost.

_The second he opened the door, she came to him skittering about, holding their baby in their arms. This was new, she never came to him this fast before. Ben smiled and stared at his son. Their baby was fast asleep in her arms, all bundled up. "Hi sweetheart, how's Ben Junior -_

_She kissed him immediately to his surprise._

_He pulled back. "What's going on?" he chuckled. This was new. _

_"Nothin-g!" she stammered, her cheeks reddening. "It's just -it's just -_

_"Just what?" he asked calmly. _

_She went quiet._

_He raised his eyebrow. "What's wrong?"_

_"It's just - it's -_

_She stopped herself from speaking again._

_Ben frowned. "Here, let's put Ben Junior in his crib and talk just the two of us."_

_She nodded and for once, willingly detached herself from their son._

_Something was off. _

_"Honey, what's going on?" he asked. __Rey began to bite at her nails. He took her hand away and stopped her. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"_

_She nodded, her cheeks becoming more scarlet. "I was wondering - I know this is a lot, but if we can get a real Christmas tree for Christmas. I know it's expensive but it can be small - I don't mind - I just want Benny to have a real nice tree for his first Christmas."_

_"Benny?"_

_She nodded. "Our baby. I decided today that I'll call him Benny. I think it's cuter and less formal than calling him Ben Junior."_

_Ben smiled and touched her cheek. She looks so cute when she's flustered. "I like that. Benny."_

_"So what do you think? Do you think we can get a tree?" she asked nervously. _

_"We can."_

_Just like that, her eyes lit up._

_"You didn't have to ask me," he laughed. "I gave you a card for a reason." _

_"I know but that's a very big purchase."_

_"You don't have to worry about money," he reminded her. She's always careful with spending money from being homeless for two years. "And I don't care what you buy, I trust you and your judgement."_

_"I know - it's just you hate Christmas."_

_He laughed. "I don't hate Christmas." He's just not as festive like most people. He hates the whole cheese fest. He hates hearing Christmas songs everywhere he goes from November to December. He hates waiting in lines for presents. He hates seeing people acting so phony and chummy for that one day of the year. He feels the same about every holiday. _

_"Your mom says you do." Rey knew damn well that Ben avoided the last eight years at his parents' homes during the holidays. She doesn't blame him though that he doesn't want to deal with his parents' new spouses and family and the fact that even though his parents are with other people, they were still in love. At least Ben drops by for five minutes and gives presents before leaving. _

_"I just hate the over commercialization of it." _

_"And trees are part of that category," she countered. "Would you mind it though?"_

_"Mind what?"_

_"If we celebrated Christmas - together."_

_He loves her so much that he says yes. "I promise I'll be a good sport," he vows giving his tense wife a hug. He hates seeing her like that. He hates that she's so nervous and scared for asking for something. He wants her to be comfortable around him, to be okay with wanting things. "So what kind of things do you have planned? Or traditions that you want to pass on to Benny?" Benny. He likes that nickname. It was sweet, just like their baby._

_She shrugged. "I don't have any but I have some ideas that I want to do. I've been looking at pinterest lately and watching a lot of Christmas specials."_

_"For real? They're already showing Christmas specials - wait what do you mean that you don't have any traditions?"_

_"I never really celebrated Christmas."_

_He blinked several times. "You never?"_

_She raised her eyebrow. "I thought it was obvious."_

_"But they must have given you presents at least -_

_"At the group homes, there were never enough donation presents and I always gave them to the younger kids."_

_"What did you do on Christmas then?"_

_"The adults ruining the homes would put on a few Christmas specials back to back and give us hot chocolate and cookies while we colored on the printed Christmas coloring pages. Some years, they'll take us to the retirement center to spend time with the elderly to sing Christmas carols and cheer them up."_

_Ben couldn't help but to smile. He could see it, child her trying to make the best of everything by putting others first. He loved that about her. Even though he supports her, she still helps around at shelters and centers. Unlike other people who only do that once a year, she does it weekly. "That's not nothing, that's something. That sounds like a nice Christmas."_

_"Yeah but I always wanted a family during Christmas to spend time with to have traditions with. The thing about the foster system is that the kids you get to know won't always stay. They'll get adopted or be transferred somewhere else. And that's the same thing for the retirement center, because they're there for a reason. They're sick. They won't make it long. All I wanted is to have someone that will always be there so we can spend the holidays together."_

_"I'm sorry that you never got to have a family." It breaks his heart how nonchalantly she says it. It sounded so sad to him because it sounded that she accepted it years ago that she wasn't going to have a Christmas like all the people she seen outside the homes and the people on TV and movies. _

_She laughed softly._

_And that surprises him._

_He looked up at her. "What's so funny?"_

_"I do have a family now."_

* * *

_She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. She's looks so innocent with her eyelashes hitting her cheeks, curled up into a ball. He stares at her for a while before he __wakes her up. "Sweetheart wake up," he said as gently shook her. It's five in the morning and her body doesn't wake unless the baby cries for milk._

_"Mm?" she asked groggily, half asleep._

_"Sweetheart," he shook her again. _

_"Yes?" she asked yawning._

_"Get ready."_

_"Why?"_

_"We're going to get a tree today," he whispered, chuckling as he watched her pull the covers over her face._

_The second it occurred to her what he said, she sat up immediately, untangling herself from the covers in panic and bewilderment. "Really? Together?"_

_Ben laughed. Her mannerisms were of an excited child but he couldn't help but to find it endearing. He always did. "Yes, sweetheart," he said._

_To her surprise, he's holding their baby. Benny was dressed in long pants, a long sleeve shirt, and a jacket and socks and a beanie. Benny was quiet for Ben was feeding him with leftover breastmilk in a bottle._

_"Why did you dress him so warmly?" she asked, raising her eyebrow. And that's saying a lot from her since she's always doting about whether their son was cold._

_"You'll see, just get ready. I already laid out some clothes for you."_

* * *

_She does so without any questions. She gets into the car after buckling up Benny without asking why they were up so early._

_"Where are we going?" she asked the second they past the parking lot of Christmas trees._

_Ben chuckled. "We're going to get a tree."_

_"You just past the lot -_

_"It's alright. They're other lots."_

_Rey didn't start to worry until the minutes turned into two hours. "Where are we going?" she asked. It was getting cold to a point Ben had to turn up the heater to keep Benny warm._

_"We're going to get a tree."_

_"Can you at least tell me where?" _

_"No," he smirked._

_Rey sighed. "Can we at least stop for a bit? I want to feed Benny and change his diaper."_

_He nodded and stopped by a McDonald's. "I'll get us some food while you feed Benny. What do you want?" he asked as Rey went to the backseat to feed her baby. She has a cover on._

_"Hashbrowns and orange juice."_

_"What else?" That's not enough for a woman who's breastfeeding._

_She shrugged. "Surprise me."_

_After they ate, he continued driving. It got colder and colder the more he drove. The more he drove, the more the ground started to be covered in more and more white. Snow. She's never seen snow before other than the movies. "It's pretty," she said softly at the sight of beds and beds of it. She sat up right away the second she sees a tree farm but to her dismay, he passes it._

_"I thought we're going to get a tree -_

_"Yes, but on the way back."_

_"Where we going?"_

_"I rented a cabin for us for the weekend, it's another two hours away."_

_"Really?" she asked doubtfully. _

_"I wanted you to experience snow longer than an hour," he said as he reached for her hand._

_"But we can't. I didn't pack -_

_"I already packed. Our bags are in the trunk." Thank god for twenty four hours stores. "I even packed some formula just in case." _

_She looked down and stared at his hand as he interlocked his fingers with hers. She squeezed his fingers tightly and smiled. "Thank you -_

_The moment is cut by the sound of cries._

_"We should probably stop and feed Benny," she said._

_Ben laughed. "We'll never make it there will we?"_

_Rey couldn't help but to smile. "Nope."_

* * *

_When they finally reach to the cabin, it felt surreal. It felt like forever until they got there but now they're here. There was nothing but snow and trees and forests and the little town that's been here for hundreds of years. Everything the snow touched wrapped around and left intricate designs. It was beautiful. Like a dream. Rey put on a coat on her baby before putting him into the baby carrier that was strapped on to Ben. She pressed her lips together and repressed herself from smiling. It's strange to see a big man with a baby. It reminded her of a mother kangaroo._

_"How does it feel?" she asked._

_"A bit weird but he's not heavy." Benny was calm, sucking on his pacifier. _

_"Is it secured?"_

_"Yes."_

_Rey tried to get their bags but he stopped her._

_"We'll get the bags later," he said gently as he put a coat on her as well. He fastens on her coat with care and gives her knitted gloves to put on."We already checked in so there's no rush. I want you to enjoy the scenery." He said as he lead her into the woods._

* * *

_She's very still to his surprise. _

_"Are you cold?" he asks._

_She shook her head as she held her baby tightly. After minutes of carrying Benny, she insisted to hold him. Ben doesn't argue and allows it. _

_"What's wrong?" he asked as she stood in place. Both of them - his son and wife were strangely quiet. He was about to open his mouth again until he realized that his son and wife were just in awe at the snow. Their eyes are wide and their cheeks were rosy and flushed. Benny looked so much like her whenever he was amazed. Childlike. Loving. Caring. _

_If he could bottle a memory and replay it over and over, it would be this - watching the people he loved the most experience snow for the first time together. _

_Benny and Rey are so overwhelmed that they're still. _

_"I've never seen snow before," she finally says. She looked up and found the snow was falling from the sky, covering them like sprinkles. It's soft. "Only in movies." _

_"I know," he said softly. He reached for her hand and held it out for the snow to kiss her fingertips. The ice crystals looked like diamonds in her hair. _

_The snow fell harder but it remained light. _

_There were tears trickling from her eyes._

_"Why are you crying?" he asked, touching her shoulder. He held his breath at the sight of her tears. He's always been shaken seeing her cry. The most she cried was the first weeks when she was kept in his basement. _

_"It's nothing -_

_"Then why are you crying?" he asked desperately. His heart was beating rapidly in panic. _

_"I'm just happy," she said to him with a shaky smile. "Thank you."_


	3. Bracelet

_Mr. Sandman_  
_ Bring me a dream_  
_ Make her the cutest that I've ever seen_  
_ Give her two lips like roses and clover_  
_ And tell her that her lonely nights are over_  
_ Sandman_  
_ I'm so alone_  
_ Don't have nobody to call my own_  
_ Please turn on your magic bean_  
_ Mr. Sandman_  
_ Bring me a dream_

\- Mr. Sandman covered by SYML

* * *

Every mom has a certain thing about them, a thing that helps you spot her in a crowd.

Some kids can find their moms by the smell of their perfume.

But for Benny, he can spot his mom by her bracelet. You see, mom has this bracelet. It's a crystal bracelet with little charms. And she wears it every single day, on her right wrist. Always.

The earliest memory Benny has was when he was three or so and was fascinated by how shiny it was.

* * *

They had one Christmas together, just them before Benny was born.

This was before she was pregnant.

_Every day that passes, she scratches into the wall and leaves a tally mark with a bobby pin. Every single day. Her eyes roamed and counted every mark, every collection and cluster of five days until she calculated that she had been here for a little over two months. _

_Rey shut her eyes and sighed. She slumped into her bed and shut her eyes. She's used to having her eyes puffy and swollen but this was the first time that her eyes were dry in a long time. Maybe she toughened up or got used to it or maybe she given up hope - it's hard to tell right now._

_The basement is not frightening. _

_It's actually nice. Spacey. Roomy. She has a bed, a real bed. There's a bookcase filled with books and activities to keep her busy, a little fridge, and even a bathroom for her to fix herself up._

_He's not really that bad. Rey knows. He's enamored with her to a point of obsession._

_She had heard horror stories of how cruel people can be. Whenever she feels like it's the end of the world, she reminds herself of the news stories she had heard. At least, Ben was not hurting her as much as the men who hurt those women._

_Rey is not justifying what he had done to her but at least he hadn't touched her. _

_He just...keeps her here._

_But he's not letting her go out anywhere either._

* * *

_He...gets her things._

_Every single day that he comes back from work, he goes down the basement and greets her and gives her something._

_Rey will look at the item in confusion and in defense and ask why and he would always respond: just because. Or he'll respond: it made me think of you._

_Ben gets her things. He gets her clothes. They're not sexual or anything, they're just clothes. Like jackets, sweaters, scarves. Practical. Warm. And pretty. He gets her chocolate. He gets her books. He gets her CDs. He gets her nail polish. He gets her flowers. He gets her things._

_They're nice things but it doesn't make up for the fact that she's being held hostage. But every time she sees him come down, every time she sees his face soften at the sight of her as he attempts to surprise her with the item of the day, it makes her feel something. _

_It's not love or attraction. It's the feeling that he's harmless._

_Even though he's capable of so much, he's harmless - that all he wants is her affection._

_He likes taking care of her. He gives her food, real food. Good food. He gives her food before he leaves and food when he comes back. Morning he makes something for her and night he gets takeout - Rey feels as if she's a dog explaining this. _

_But she needs food. No matter how much she resisted, she needs it. It's instinct for her to take the food that's offered because she's homeless. And before that, there wasn't even enough portions in the foster homes. It's instinct for her to get whatever food that she can. But, she's not completely weak. She only eats if they share the same plate and food. Ben knows this and complies. And when he's gone for work, there's food in the fridge and microwave to keep her full until he comes back. He's smart too, it's frozen food and bottled up water that's still in the box so she knows it's safe and not drugged._

_He likes taking care of her - she can't stress that enough. _

_He may not touch her but he forces her in some things._

_They might be minor but it's disturbing. He likes holding her and kissing her wrist and brushing her hair. Whenever he does it she can't help but to shudder as he hummed and ran his fingers through her hair and smell her from to time. She has to remind herself that at least she's not being raped. That at least he's not hitting her._

_At least he's not hurting her._

_He's just taking care of her because he doesn't like her being on her own. He doesn't like her sleeping in restrooms. He doesn't like her working under the table with an autoshop and getting bruises._

_As much as she hated to admit, she was under better care by him than any foster parent she ever had._

_He likes talking to her. Even though she doesn't say anything, he talks to her still. As they ate together. Or when he puts something on for them to watch on his laptop. Or when she's about to sleep. He doesn't really seem to care that she refuses to talk to him - that he's pleased just to be around her._

* * *

_She woke up to something different today._

_She wakes up to light. Different colored lights. Yellow. Blue. Red. Green. The colors looked pretty as her eyes settled to adjust. Lights. There were Christmas lights hung all around the basement. Rey immediately sat up in her bed, clinging to her comforter. There were lights and there was a little plastic Christmas tree. It was silver with different colored ornaments. It was a small tiny tree, the size of her arm._

_Was it? No it couldn't be. Was it Christmas already?_

_Rey blinked. Is it? She turned to stare at the tally marks and sighed. She may have been keeping track how long she had been here but have forgotten to keep track day. It's not an important anyways. Christmas was just any other day but it did alarm her how quickly she forgot her sense of time. _

_"Merry Christmas," she hears his voice echo as he came down to the basement._

_She clung on to her comforter tighter. _

_Breakfast is still the same. He sits next to her and talks while she remained silent. She refuses to speak to him. When she did, it's very rare. He's a monster. He had hurt her. He's holding her hostage._

_ Breakfast goes like clockwork. The only thing that was different was the two mugs of hot steaming milk. Next to it was a can of whipped cream, a bowl of mini marshmallows, crushed peppermint, and a block of chocolate on a stick for the both of them. Her eyebrows furrowed._

_"It's hot chocolate. I figured you would want to fix it yourself."_

_She keeps her mouth shut. It looked strange to her. She's used to the packets. She had never seen it before, a block of chocolate. _

_"Don't be afraid," he chuckled. He proceeded to fix himself a cup of hot chocolate. He dipped the block of chocolate into mug and stirred._

_Rey couldn't help but to be curious and did the same thing. She followed his order of fixings and waited for him to drink before she did. He then took a sip out of her mug as proof there was nothing wrong with it. She proceeded to drink it. It's rich, richer than any powder mix. It's really good. She wanted to drink the whole thing until he stroked her hair in fondness. _

_She stopped drinking automatically._

_Ben couldn't help but to frown as she pulled away from him. She notices this but she kept quiet._

_She stops eating all together._

_He keeps going. And talking. "I'm going to be gone for a few hours," he tells her, his eyes lingering on her._

_She wrapped herself in the comforter. She wants him gone. She hates the way he looks at her, in want. In yearning. She keeps herself bundled up, she doesn't want to give him any sort of satisfaction. _

_"I'm going to visit my family but I'll come back."_

_Rey doesn't say anything because she knows that he likes it when she speaks to him. Even when she says she hates him or that he's a monster, he's pleased that she acknowledges him. If she could, she would ask if his family knew he was keeping a girl locked up. _

_"I don't want to see them but I have to. I rather spend the whole day with you," he added._

_She says nothing._

_Her silence stings him like venom._

_She knew by the way his face crumples._

_"I know you'll miss me," he said confidently. _

_She lied down and covered herself in the blanket. "You're a pompous bastard," she spat out. She covers herself because she doesn't want to see that small smile of his._

_"So I figure it'll be okay if you open just one present early."_

_Rey couldn't help but to peek her head out. There is a present in his hand, it's small. It fits perfectly in his palm. Her eyes widened at how pretty the wrapping paper was. The paper was white with gold metallic leaves. _

_"Go ahead," he said gently._

_Her eyes flickered to his for a moment in defensive mode. _

_"It's okay," he gave her a small smile._

_She's been given things by him before, but never did he wrap it. She couldn't help it, she wanted to know what was inside. Carefully she unwrapped the paper, putting all her focus on to it as he watched her._

* * *

_It was a bracelet. A crystal bracelet with little crystal charms. Rey's eyes softened at the sight. Her fingers trembled as she touched it. Never did she imagine she'll ever get to have something like this. Her eyes flickered and locked onto to his in confusion. _

_"I remember," he tells her touching her cheek. "I remember how you stop by Tiffany's every day on your way to work and stare at it admiringly," he stroked her cheek. "You looked so sweet, like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's."_

_This was a fortune. She knew she couldn't accept it. She tried to give it back but he refused._

_"It's yours." He puts the bracelet on her wrist gently. _

_She looked down at her wrist. She blinked several times in disbelief. It's beautiful. The crystals felt cool and smooth against her skin and shined brighter than the lights. Lightly she shook her wrist. There's weight to her wrist now. The bracelet decorates her skin. Covers it. _

_The bracelet covers up the evidence so well._

_"You're welcome," he tells her. He doesn't need to hear her speak to know she's grateful. The evidence was written all over her face. Her eyes are gentle and the smallest movements were delicate. "I love you."_

_Her heart skipped a beat as suddenly the pretty dainty bracelet felt like fifty pounds of glass shards. She looked down at her bracelet. It's pretty but it doesn't cover up how he broke her wrist._

* * *

There was a time Rey had escaped. It didn't last long. It was brief.

It was on their first Christmas together. She used to hate herself for a year for being so foolish. She had her chance to be free but she was naïve. She didn't know what she wanted. She was just a little girl. A little girl who was alone with no one.

_He is very foolish, she thinks. Since it's Christmas he takes her outside. He takes her around the city for fresh air and to see the pretty lights. This is when she makes her escape._

_She runs._

_She doesn't look back._

_He goes after her._

_She ran faster - as fast as she could. She yelled. She yelled for help but no one is there. No one can hear. Everyone is with their family. There was no one in the city right now. But she still screams. "Help!" she shouted from the top of her lungs. "I've been held hostage! Help!" her lungs are burning. "Somebody please help me! He's chasing me!" But no one is there. "Help-_

_She finds herself at a dead end. She tries to run back but he's already there. _

_He doesn't look upset._

_To her surprise, he looks disturbingly calm._

_She stood there unable to stop herself from shaking. _

_"Nobody's here," he tells her. "They're all with their family and friends."_

_"Please, I just want to be free."_

_"And go where? Home? You have no home. You have no family. No friends."_

_"I don't care, I just want to be free."_

_"So you rather be out in the streets than to be with me? It's not safe there."_

_"And what? Being with you is?" she shouted._

_No one can hear._

_"That was an accident," he said pulling his gaze from her wrist. She still had the bracelet on. "I never meant to hurt you like that. I just want to keep you safe. I just want to protect you. Nobody loves you the way I do."_

_"If you love me, why did you take me?" she asked in a low tone. Her chest was constricting. No one...no one has ever told her that they loved her. He doesn't even know her name but he loves her. And she feels it, not just now but always. He loves her._

_"Sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do in order to keep the woman you love safe. Do you honestly think I would be okay sleeping knowing that you're out in the streets? That your life is in constant danger?"_

_"You're the monster!" she bit every word. "You're the one that I have to fear."_

_His jaw twitched as his eyes went dark. "Go ahead then. Leave for all I care. I don't care anymore."_

_He's bluffing, she knew. He's a wolf playing a trick._

_She remained in place, waiting for his next move._

_"What are you doing?" he yelled. "Go," he ordered._

_She didn't. Instead, she blinked. Helplessly like a rabbit. _

_"What are you doing?" he yelled. He's frustrated. Irritated. "Leave."_

_She shook her head. "I- I don't know."_

_"Do you want to stay - is that it?"_

_"I don't know-w."_

_"I know you more than that. __Do you want to stay with me?"_

_Rey shut her eyes. "I...don't know." She doesn't. Why isn't she running? Why isn't she going?_

_"I'll give you a choice. You can either leave or you can stay."_

_Rey didn't say anything._

_"You're nothing, but not to me. You can continue being nothing or you can have the life you deserve. I'll take care of you."_

_She opened her mouth but paused. She found tears trickling down her face. She expected him to wipe her tears but he doesn't. He's serious. He's very, very upset with her._

_"Whatever choice you make right now, it's final. There's no going back," he warned. "I'm either going to not take you back or not letting you go. The choice is yours."_

* * *

_When he does wipe her tears, it's her in his arms, sobbing. "It's alright," he soothed, stroking her back._

_But it's not. Nobody's going to love her but him. She knows. She feels it. _

_"Let's go home," he tells her, lifting her in his arms._

_For once he feels how small she is, how truly small she is. A little girl. A little lonely girl._

* * *

Rey remembers the night Benny was conceived.

For that night fell on her first Christmas with Ben.

He carried her to the car and then carried her back into the basement. And placed her back on to her bed. Or, her first bed. And they conceived their child there, in the basement.

_"I do not like putting you here, do you know that?"_

_She doesn't respond._

_"I don't like it when you refuse to talk to me either," he stroked her face. She's so stubborn. So prideful. But he doesn't care. He loves her. "But when you prove your loyalty, I'll let you sleep in the same bed with me - I'll let you go anywhere you please as long as you come back to me." _

_She says nothing._

_But he's not taken back from it for he feels the loneliness in her. It was the same loneliness he felt when he first followed her and found where she slept and how she cleaned her body. She uses the sink and the hand dryer._

_He loves her, no matter how much she pushes him away. No matter how much she hits him and screams how she despises him, he loves her. The loneliness in this very lonely young girl, speaks to him. For he possesses the same sadness._

_Sometimes the feeling is too much that he pulls away from her. While his heart possessed hatred and anger, her heart was broken from all the people that left._

_"I just want to take care of you. I don't want anything to happen to you. I just want you to be safe."_

_Rey doesn't know what word struck a nerve with her but one of them does: care, want, safe._

_She tries to recall a memory to give her some light but she can't find any. They're aren't any. He's the only that stayed - that refuses to leave her. That keeps her caged up like a precious bird. She clutches on to the bracelet that was latched on to her wrist. This was the closest thing she has to being loved._

_But then, he shifts. Shift away. From her. Rey doesn't know why it startles her but it does. Her heart is beating rapidly. Immediately, she lifted her hand from her blanket and slowly held out her hand to him. Her fist uncurls and trembles. For him. She doesn't know why she's doing this but every part of her body was shaking._

_"What's wrong?" he looked at her in confusion._

_Her fingers began to curl back. She feels rejected. He's just like everyone that comes into her life. He uses her until she has no value. Her eyes began to burn. She wants to put her hand away but she can't. It's still in the air, shaking. She's bringing herself out to him and he's not taking her. He's leaving. _

_But he's not. He's just standing, staring at her blankly._

_"What's wrong?"_

_Her eyebrows furrowed. She wants to scream. Is it not obvious? She's opening up to him. She's crying, her lips are twitching. She feels like she was seven again begging her temporary foster parent to take her, to adopt her - to take her as one of the family. "Don't. Don-'t go," she said slowly._

_She rarely speaks to him. When she does it's special. Even when she's angry. Even when purposely hurts him with her words, it's special. Ben feels that. Feels her heart on her fingertips._

_Ben was about to reach for her until he saw the glove that covered his hand. He peeled it off and slowly touched her hand. He touched her finger tips first. A small tap. Her skin is cold and she's shivering. "I won't go," he tells her. "You're cold. Let me bring down the heater -_

_She shook her head frantically, latching on to his entire hand._

_"I will come back," he assured. She looks so frightened. As if he was abandoning her. "I won't leave -_

_"Rey."_

_Ben raised his eyebrow. "What?"_

_She swallowed hard. "My name...is... Rey."_

_He studied her as she squeezed him tight. She looks so broken, so fragile. Vulnerable. Her green eyes are transfixed upon his, begging for him to stay. And he knew then that she was telling him the truth. "I won't leave...Rey," he said tenderly, saying her name was the first time. _

_She seems to respond to it, peacefully. Instinctively. _

_He squeezed her hand then as she sat up straighter._

_He blinked. _

_When she looks at him like that, it's hard for him to believe she's only a girl. With those glossy eyes and long lashes, defined and carved in features, and slender figure - it's hard for him to fathom that she is just fifteen. He couldn't help but to kiss her - but to dip down and kiss those soft pink lips of hers. It's an innocent kiss, a soft peck but she still squeezes his hand. Trembling._

_She's so cold._

_Even with the comforter wrapped around her._

_She's freezing._

_He pulls away but she followed, latching to him by her full lips._

_It takes him by surprise. It's quick. It's faint. She held on to him. He wrapped his arms around her like he always does. "Have you kissed before?"_

_"I've been kissed before, numerous times. By older boys, by older men. By temporary foster parents."_

_This startles him. "Have you kissed anyone back?"_

_She shook her head._

_He touched her cheek with his knuckles. "I shouldn't have kissed you," he mumbled dejectedly. _

_"Was I not good enough?"_

_"No - I mean, I -" he was become flustered. This small exchange is evident of her naivety. "It's just I shouldn't have kissed you - I shouldn't have done many things either." Gently he grabbed her wrist and held it to his mouth. He bent down and traced his lips across her wrist. "How is it?" he asked. They recently took off her cast. A cast that he made for her from looking up instruction videos._

_"It's fine." She reached for his scarf and tugged on it lightly. "I can use it fine, see." She demonstrated by slowly unraveling his scarf._

_He swallowed hard. He reached for her hand and interlocked it with his. _

_She squeezes him hard. "Will you ever leave me?"_

_"No."_

_She sighed in relief._

_"Rey," he called out for her. The name of her tongue warms him. She had opened up to him, given a piece of her. _

_"Yes?"_

_"You're cold."_

_She was. Her skin was like ice._

_"I'm used to it," she assured him through chattered teeth._

_"Can I hold you?" he asked._

_He wants to give her nothing but warmth._

_"Rey," he calls out for her again._

_She looked up._

_He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He just wanted to say her name. Rey. Rey. Rey. She had nothing. The only thing she had was her name. And for her to give her name out to him, was a sign that she was letting him in. "Rey," he said again, chuckling. He couldn't help but to find her wide curious gaze endearing. He tilted her chin to watch those pretty eyes go big._

* * *

_She doesn't know how it happens. It...just did. He kisses her - and now he's on top of her nuzzling her neck._

_She's not much help in stopping it. She's the one that pulling off his sweater and shirt. She doesn't know why she's doing it but she does. She kisses him back from time to time when she's not being overwhelmed by the intensity of him._

_It's overwhelming. Him gripping on to her. Him rolling his hips against her. Him kissing her and touching her. She doesn't know when he took off her clothes but she's bare underneath him, underneath his dripping sex. He's aroused. Hard. Throbbing. Precum dripping from the tip and on to her skin. _

_Rey should yell - push him off of her but she doesn't. She couldn't help but to be fascinated in this. In him. He's needy for physical contact. For some validation. Rey couldn't help but to give him that - to go on with it because the look on his face reminded her of herself. He's starving. Desperate. Grateful._

_His mouth is everywhere - on her breasts, her mouth, and throat. He keeps kissing her neck. It's very hard to stay still. Her throat is sensitive and his teeth and tongue is ravaging her. "What are you doing?" she asks, squirming as he bit into her skin. It stings._

_"I want to leave you some hickeys."_

_"Hickeys?"_

_"Love marks." _

_Before she can respond she winced as he sank his teeth into her, breaking in some flesh. Before she can react he's sucking on the mark and licking it as if she was a wound and he was an animal that received it. It - it feels...nice. She couldn't help but to sigh as he peppered kisses over the mark. He kisses her in a trail as he looked for another spot to mark her._

_He's not bad looking, she thinks. It's not the first time she thinks this. She thought about this the first time she had saw him. He's not bad looking. He's built. He's muscular. He's tall. He's quite attractive - so why does no one want him? Besides this - why didn't anyone want him before? He has a good job, he's very diligent, he's very intelligent._

_But maybe it's because he's so quiet. Maybe it's because his stature intimidates people. Or maybe it's because he's very possessive._

_Or perhaps all._

_She breaks away from her thoughts as she felt fingers trace along her privates. "Have you ever...done this before?" he asked. His fingers are dry and brittle but he's making her wet. _

_Rey shook her head. She couldn't help but to twitch. What's going on? She looked down and stared at the fingers that was tracing and dipping into her folds. His fingers are so calloused but she's getting very, very wet. Fuck. It felt good. Her cheeks flushed as a moan escaped. And she can tell he likes it too the way he was growling and curling his fingers inside of her to play with her juices._

_"Do you...do you want to?" he asked gently, his fingers still inside seeping into her._

* * *

_"Have you...ever done...this before?"_

_She shook her head, strumming her fingers along every curve of his muscular shoulders. _

_"I'll be very gentle, Rey," he promises, rubbing his nose with hers._

_Rey nodded. She should have said no but she didn't. She said yes - she doesn't know why._

_To her surprise he doesn't do it right away. He touches her still. Touches her hair. Her lips. Her hands. "How's your wrist?" he asks again._

_"It's fine -_

_Ben takes no time in squeezing them to pin her down. She winced. It hurts a bit. "Ben -_

_But her words are cut abrupt when he leaves her wrist to cup her breasts while the other hand was firmly holding the strong wrist. His hands are large, nearly covers her breasts whole. He breasts are small, tiny mounds but he seems to be very, very content in seeing them for the first time. They're not plump but he makes it feel as they are with the way he was rubbing his face in her breasts and groaning. His breathing is heavy, lazy as he flicked his tongue to touch the point of her breast. _

_It feels like nothing. Just a tease._

_A very warm tease._

_He keeps doing it, flicking his tongue but then he latches on to it and sucks on her nipple. He sucks hard. Slurping. _

_She sucked in some air as her cheeks flushed._

_His eyes flickered to hers. "You're very sensitive," he said as he rolled his teeth along her tender nipple. He sucks again the second he finishes his words and plays with the other nipple, swirling with his fingertip._

_She keeps her fingers in his hair as he sucked on her. She couldn't help but to let it go on. Watching him intrigued her for he was sucking on her as if her body had something to give. Her breasts are small and have a space in between. Even with a bra on her breasts don't touch. But it doesn't stop him from pressing them together - forcefully for them to touch. He bent down and holds them in place so he can suck on both of her tits. He sucks on her as if he was dehydrated, sucking hard for milk._

_She wants to tell him that she has nothing to give but he seems to believe that she can. Her breasts aren't really filling or large but it doesn't stop him. He seems to worship her, every inch of her small boyish bruised up body. She had a lot of scars on her body but those weren't from him. Those were before him from all the fights she got into, from all the undeserved beatings, and from the advances she managed to escape. The only thing he gave her was on her wrist._

_When he unlatches his mouth from her breasts, it stings._

_She is welcomed by cold frigid air and the sight of bruises all over her breasts, especially at the tips. Her nipples were red and raw and swollen. He only sucked on her too, sucked her into bruises. _

_He cups them again before releasing them._

_"Rey, I'm so hard," he rasped, rubbing his entire length. He's dripping all over and all over his shaft. _

_She blushed. "Do you want to?"_

_"Not yet. Do you?"_

_She shrugged. "I don't know," she blushed harder._

_He kisses her again. "Rey."_

_"Yes?"_

_"Do you want a taste?"_

_She nodded. She tried to sit up but he doesn't let her. Instead he climbed on top of her and slid his erection in between the gap of her breasts._

_She blinked several times. He's massive. Long. And thick. He completely fills the space in between her breasts. How thick was he? Like what three inches? He must be like what? Eight inches long? Nine? She's seen penises before, seen them erect too but they were never this large before or this red. She can see it, his veins and reddening even more. It's throbbing in between her breasts, hot and all, dripping beads of pre cum on to her._

_"Please sweetheart," he rasped. "Please lick me," he said as he slid his tip closer to her press onto her mouth. "You don't have to suck me right now. I know this position is difficult to."_

_She does, flicks her tongue out. She can't help it. She wants to - she doesn't know why. But she does, she licks his tip. He tastes salty and sort of sweet. She keeps licking him as he slid back and forth in between her breasts. Several thrusts manages to put some of his length into her mouth. Rey does try to suck a bit but it's hard to in this position._

_"I want to taste you, Rey. Can I?"_

_She nodded and watches him crawl in between her legs. She was already wet and it sort of relaxes her because she has something to give him. She couldn't help to be make sounds. It's very difficult not to with his tongue swirling and licking up her sopping cunt. His tongue is warm and his facial hair is ticklish. He sucks from time to time and whenever he does it makes her moan a lot. He enjoys it though. He enjoys eating her out she knew by the way his eyes are shut and he keeps tugging on his cock. He presses his face really close to, his long nose being coated in her but he doesn't care. He keeps moaning and chanting her name as he sucked and ate her. _

_He really, really likes her._

_And she really likes him sucking on her clit. She can't help but to buck her hips and roll herself along his large mouth._

_He becomes silent for a moment and then pulled away from her sopping pussy. She blushed watching him disconnect from her there while there was a trail of liquid still connecting him. It's sort of white. Liquid strings. "You came so much sweetheart," he said gathering the leftover come with fingers. He sucked his fingers clean in front of her as he rubbed his teased cock to some sort of relief. _

_"I did?"_

_She didn't know she was. She doesn't know much about the human body really._

_He nodded and smiled. He ran his finger along her cunt and sucked his finger again. "I'm surprised I didn't come myself. You tasted so good." He wiped his face with the back of his hand._

_His beard was still moist but she doesn't say anything._

_"Rey, I really, really need to finish sweetheart. Can I?"_

_"Okay," she raised her eyebrow._

_He laughed._

_"What?"_

_"You're so cute."_

_He sort of grabs her then, grabs her closer. "It's going to hurt. Tell me when to stop."_

_She nodded, closing her eyes as she felt his tip rubbing against her folds. They are both really wet and like it. Her heart skipped a beat as she felt him press into her, breaking into her. Fuck. She shut her eyes. It hurts. It's pressure but it feels like a sharp pain. She sank her nails into his back as he got closer to her to a point they were chest to chest._

_Pubic bone to pubic bone._

_He's there. Completely. He's really large. The pain's unbearable but she feels something. She feels whole. Like he's supposed to be there._

_She clenched her teeth as he moved slowly. "I'm sorry," he touched her cheek. He grabbed her hand._

_She takes it and squeezes for life. It really hurts but she doesn't want him to stop._

_He keeps moving but he kisses her softly._

_It hurts but slowly it doesn't. The pressure is still there but it's not as bad to when he first went in._

_"You're so small," he rasped._

_"Do you like that?"_

_"Yes."_

* * *

_She can barely move. She feels like she's being torn apart but if he pulls out she's rip completely. So she lets him stay inside. She lets him thrust and hump into her. It feels like she's being taken by an animal, a very starving animal. But it was okay because she was starving too._

_He's devouring her._

_The bed was shaking. But no one can hear. The basement was soundproof._

_He's consuming her._

_She finds out that kissing him eases the pain. So she keeps kissing him as she gripped onto his back. _

* * *

You don't forget your first time. And certainly you don't forget your first time with your husband. Their first time together was years ago but she still remembers the feeling and shock of hot liquid being released into her - spilling into her. In ribbons almost. Hot streams of ribbons. Or the way he became still as he did so - his whole body frozen except for one part of his body that was pumping into her.

He came a lot, a lot ended up overflowing to her thighs and to the sheets.

Rey remembers it, being completely startled and confused to the warm sensation.

She didn't know what to think of it but then she was coaxed by the aftermath - seeing him exhausted and breathing heavily. He ended falling asleep on her. She could have tried to escape but she didn't. She stared at him for a few minutes before falling asleep as well.

Out of all the things she's done, she doesn't regret going back to him. Because if she didn't, she didn't know where she would be or how long she would have make it. She wouldn't have Benny.

* * *

Every mom has a certain thing about them, a thing that helps you spot her in a crowd.

Some kids can find their moms by the smell of their perfume.

But for Benny, he can spot his mom by her bracelet. You see, Mom has this bracelet. It's a crystal bracelet with little charms. And she wears it every single day, on her right wrist. Always.

The earliest memory Benny has was when he was three or so and was fascinated by how shiny it was.

It was a pretty bracelet but nothing compared to how pretty Mom is.

Dad always says that she's the prettiest woman there is and Benny believes it.

Until he was like ten or so, whenever he was sad or scared Mom would hold him until he stopped crying. He used to bury his head into Mom's chest or lie on her lap and play with her bracelet. He used to touch the charms and feel the texture. Mom wouldn't mind until he accidentally tugged too hard. Which always happened. It was inevitable, Benny always forgets how light Mom is.

But today is one of the exceptions.

Mom is holding him and letting him cry. His head is on Mom's lap and he's on his side. Benny knows he's old now but Mom doesn't care. Mr. Romano, Benny's science teacher, just passed away. Or actually, he passed away a few days ago but the school wanted to wait until after Christmas to release an email about it. Mr. Romano was a cool teacher. Every kid liked him. He's like sixty or so - or was. He was driving up north to visit his family. He stopped at a gas station and got shot by a random stranger.

The email didn't say that, it just sugar coated it and glossed it all over. Benny and his friends only found out the real truth through the news.

Mr. Romano is Benny's favorite teacher and it makes him sad that someone can do such a thing, especially to an innocent person.

His friends thinks it's weird that Benny's this depressed about Mr. Romano's death. But the thing is, Benny hadn't dealt with death before. All his friends have though, they at least lost one close figure in their life.

Sure Benny only had Mr. Romano for a few months but the thing is the tragedy was over somebody Benny knew.

It's surreal to think that Mr. Romano's not here anymore. It's hard to think that after winter break, the classroom will be there but him. It's frightening to think that life goes on still but not completely.

Mom holds him tight and rubbed his back. "It's okay Benny."

Benny moved his head.

Mom gets the hint and stroked his hair.

He likes it when Mom strokes his hair. It made him feel safe.

Benny can't help but to run his fingers along her bracelet. It's instinct almost for him to do so. It relaxed him, to feel the cool material against Mom's soft skin. But then he felt something odd.

Her wrist bone, it felt odd. Like disjointed. Wobbly He doesn't know the word or the correct terms to describe it, it just didn't feel the same as her other wrist or his wrists. Has her wrist always been like that? And that he just didn't notice?

He lifted his head.

"Benny what's wrong?"

"It's nothing - it's just your wrist bone feels - off." He doesn't know the words for it. "Why is that?"

"It's nothing," she smiled, chuckling. "I broke my wrist years ago."

"Does it hurt still?" he asked, suddenly remembering the years of him tugging on her bracelet and making Mom wince.

"From time to time."

"But your wrist should be healed though."

"My wrist wasn't properly healed," she said as she nudged him to lay on her lap again. "It's nothing really."

* * *

During the remainder of the break, Rey contacted the members of the PTA and they all got together to speak with the principal about the aftermath of Mr. Romano's death. Besides the school planning an assembly and a memorial, the main concern was making sure there was a support system and counseling. Another concern which was the elephant of the room, was finding a replacement teacher in such a short time.

It felt very horrible and disrespectful but the thing is, the seventh grade students still need a science teacher. There was already another seventh grade science teacher but that teacher was already booked with also teaching eighth grade science. And there's a limit of students allowed in a room/class policy.

The only thing was finding a new teacher.

The school promises that they will find a teacher as soon as possible.

But the break ends too soon.

And the kids have had eight different substitute teachers in the last two weeks.

They're learning nothing. It's mostly busy work. This makes her upset because the school should get substitute teachers that know the subject but she also knows that's very difficult to find especially with short notice. So for the last two weeks Benny says that the period has been turned into a free period. It's not that bad at least. At least the kids are doing something. But Rey knows damn well that most kids aren't using it to study but to gab and goof around.

But some substitute teachers do try to teach. But it's kind of hard to teach and pick right off when there are no lesson plans.

Rey understands how hard it is to try to carry on.

"Sweetheart, relax. Things will work out eventually," Ben said as he helped her dust some powdered sugar onto lemon squares.

"I know - it's just it feels so disrespectful to Mr. Romano," she said as she pulled out another batch of lemon squares from the oven. She was making them for the community center.

"Rey, the kids need a teacher. And Mr. Romano would understand."

She bit her lip. "I know."

"Hey Rey, I think you got a message."

Rey set aside the batch of lemon squares and took off her oven mitts. She picked up her phone and found an email, an email from school.

"What is it?" Ben asked.

"The principal announced that he found a teacher who's more than qualified," Rey sighed in relief. "And that the teacher will start next Monday."

"That's great," Ben smiled, pressing a kiss on her cheek.

Rey scrunched her nose and smiled. She continued reading the email and paused. Mr. Dameron. Dameron. Why does that name sound familiar?


	4. Ben and Benny

Ben lets his wife go out on her own.

Within the vicinity.

But he loves his wife. He wants nothing but for her to be safe.

That's why her phone has a tracker.

Because she is very fragile.

He waits for her sometimes when she goes out on his day off. He waits. Like a dog waiting for his owner.

Sometimes he follows her. To make sure she's with the people she said she'll be. His wife is a good girl but sometimes, he wants to make sure. It may be silly for him to still...linger around her after all these years but he can't help it. He likes watching her when she's in her own little world.

Ben doesn't mind that she's around men from time to time. Because she's a good girl. She's loyal and she knows better. She knows that she is his wife. And she loves him. He was her first time. The only one. They have a beautiful child together.

He doesn't get jealous. Whenever someone comments on how beautiful his wife is, he is proud. Because she is.

Ben doesn't get jealous but he does get worried from time to time. Whenever he does feel worried she reminds him how much he has her - how much she is his. She goes on her knees and sucks him off. She'll let him paint her nails too. She doesn't like it but he does. He likes grooming her - he still brushes her hair every single night.

It's not like he doesn't let her go anywhere - whenever she wants to go somewhere nice he takes them - him, her, and Benny. They go to different cities and states. And he doesn't mind if she goes anywhere if she brings Benny with her because Benny always brings her back home.

She's asking about going out on a girls' trip with Phas and Rose - it's just. Just she's never been out on her own for more than a day. She always comes back before the day ends.

"I won't be gone for too long -

"How long?" he asked as he took a bite of his food. They were eating dinner and Benny was still in the room. So Ben does his best to be calm.

Rey pushed around the grilled vegetables on her plate. "Five days - not even a week," she explained.

"I don't think Benny would want you to be away from him that long," Ben said reasonably.

Benny looked up in bewilderment. "I won't mind. I think it'll be nice for mom to go out and have fun," Benny said nonchalantly as he took a sip of his water.

Ben frowned but shifted his gaze at his wife.

Rey shifted slightly in her seat.

"It's okay if mom goes," Benny said. "I'm not a little kid anymore."

Ben's jaw twitched. He cleared his throat though and took another bite of the steak. "Where do you and the girls plan to go?" he asked in a tone that Rey knew so well. It was the we'll talk about this later when Benny's not around tone.

She hasn't wondered off in years - but it was still good to be safe.

* * *

Ben has been away from her before. Days at a time too. Twice a year, he has to go out of state for a week for work. He's been away from her but it's not much of an issue because Benny is there. Benny's life is here. Benny's friends are here.

There was a time, long ago that he kept her locked up when he went away for work. He couldn't bring her and she was still...relentless. He had to lock her up in the basement.

It wasn't bad or anything - the basement had a bathroom, and he stocked up a week and half's worth of food in the little fridge. And there was a microwave and books and he even brought down the TV for her. And he stocked up on all types of vitamins and cold and flu medicine and aspirin. And bought a big case of bottled water.

Except she was pregnant during that time and they didn't know it yet.

The second (or third?) time he locked her up, Benny was a baby then. Ben to this day regretted for locking up his baby.

He remembers rushing to home a week after being away and finding his wife holding their baby on the floor. They were fine - Rey was reading Benny a book - but the sight wasn't something Ben wanted to see. It was an image, an illusion that he was some monster keeping the woman he loved and their child prisoners.

Something could have happened to Benny while Ben was gone. Something bad and Rey would be unable to get them out since they were locked in.

Nothing happened to Benny but that was the last time he did that to his wife and son.

He remembers it, rushing to lift them both in his arms. They were that small. He held them for hours and apologized a million times.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her shoulder as he held her and their son in his arms.

"It's alright," she tells him, attempting to brush him off.

Ben shook his head. "No. It's not. Something could have happened and you wouldn't be able to do anything."

She became quiet at the thought. "Benny...Benny is fine," she said, examining their son. She couldn't help but to be in disbelief.

He ended up holding them for hours. He didn't want to let them go. That night years ago, he even bathed them together - with him in the tub as well. It's one of his favorite memories - to be close to them - to kiss his wife lovingly as she cleaned their son. To kiss her slick hair that clung to her neck. To kiss her cheeks. To kiss her back. It was intimate. It was innocent. She let him too and that was when he realized she missed him too. That her looking at him with those glassy eyes when he came back wasn't of fear but of relief.

"I love you," he tells her as he rubbed her back. They were still in the tub, slicked and all.

She froze up for a bit but then moved slightly. "I still have some milk," she said then. "If you want," her cheeks went red. That was her way in telling him she cares. Because she saves her milk for him at the end of the day. Throughout the day she pumps the excess and freezes it but near the night she keeps it in her breasts for him. Because she knows that he likes sucking her.

"We should get out of the tub first," he tells her.

Him and her they're in towels. Just towels. They were putting on clothes on their was no need for them to put on clothes because once the baby was asleep he was going to make love to her.

Ben takes no time to kiss her the second she puts their baby in the crib.

"I need to brush my hair -

He shook his head. "I don't care," he said as he tugged off their towels.

There was no need for them to go to a different room because their baby was asleep in the crib and their bed was in the same room. Their baby was still young, they'll stop once their baby wakes up during it.

She likes feeding them both, Ben knows. She likes feeding them - her son and her husband because for once, she has something to give. Ben doesn't drink that much though - only once a night. He likes the taste and all but he loves the act of sucking the milk out of her fatty nipples. He likes touching her plump breasts and groping them. He likes squeezing the milk into his mouth and watching the milk come out in a leaky stream.

She touches his hair when he drinks from her. He loves it when she does. She touches him in astonishment. And Ben knows why. He reminds her of their son. It's no surprise since their baby is a carbon copy.

It's nice for it's a moment of fondness from her.

He sucks her dry for he's been away. He keeps sucking though. He's not ready to let go.

"I'm sorry it's not a lot. I've been pumping more since you were gone."

"It's fine. I didn't want your breasts to be sore while I was away," he kept sucking. One by one. Back and forth. He misses this, the act of latching on to her close. He's grown accustomed to it since there was a period of time he couldn't have sex with her due to her body healing from giving birth.

She's empty but she doesn't mind.

He knows because she's not wincing or tightening her grip on his hair.

She's just stroking him, watching him.

He doesn't stop until she does. His eyes flickered up at her in confusion.

"I feel bad. I don't -

"You have so much to give to me," he reminded her, touching her cheek. "You give me everything. Every inch of your body." He touched her then, letting his hands graze upon her. "You give me pleasure. You gave me a child. You give me comfort. You give me love."

He made her smile the most the morning after that night. He took out the locks of the basement and painted over the tally marks and put pretty wallpaper. He didn't say much and she didn't ask but they both knew that it was the last time she or Benny would be locked up in a basement.

* * *

The thing is, no matter what he does it'll never erase those memories she has. Her wrist is a constant reminder of it. A reminder how he failed and refused to take her to get medical care after he broke her wrist. He would have but she didn't see his good intentions. And because of that her wrist never healed properly even with him looking up tutorials. Her wrist pops out. Her wrist is very sensitive. If she injured herself there again it could be permanent damage (he thinks).

The only thing he can do is make up for them. She is a good girl. She still goes in their bed for him even after he gave her that tone during dinner.

"You can go," he tells her gently. He loves his girl.

"What? Really?"

He nodded slowly. He exhaled as she smiled in delight. "Promise me you'll call me and send me pictures from time to time."

"I will!" she hugged him. "Thank you! Ben this means so much to me -

She stopped the second she sees his mood changing. He looks sad.

"You don't have anything to worry about," she said, touching his face. She lifted his face up to her. "I'll come back. I always do."

"Why?" he asked. He knows the answer but he likes hearing it.

Rey scrunched up her nose and giggled. "Because I love you."

It makes him warm all around. He couldn't help but to be giddy.

She kisses his nose. "You're silly Big Benny," she said, her lashes hitting her cheeks.

* * *

Dad's not the same when Mom is gone. When Mom is gone, it's like a piece of him is missing.

When he's not working, he's just quiet. He sits on the couch and thinks to himself. Sometimes he puts on the TV. Sometimes. Sometimes Dad drinks beer - but he never gets drunk or anything. He just drinks. He doesn't drink the pain away like Joss' mom. Dad just drinks. He's sober. He's still in a good mood and calm and doesn't forget to feed and check up on Benny.

Dad gets like this for as long as Benny can remember. Benny remembers being five and trying to cheer up his Dad by drawing him something and showing it. Dad pretended to be interested but five year old Benny saw right through it.

Dad only gets somewhat happy when he gets a text or call from Mom.

Sometimes Dad stares at the old conversations for hours when he's at home.

Benny decides to make dinner for him and his old man. His dad is at work but will be coming home soon. Benny makes spaghetti and meatballs because that's one of few things he knows how to make. From scratch too, he wanted to add. Now that he's in middle school he has to help around especially when one of his parents is away. He even makes a salad too. He's not good at cutting but it tastes the same despite it not looking as pretty the way Mom makes it.

When Benny is setting up the table, that is when Dad gets home. "Hey sport, what do you want for dinner?" Dad asks.

"I made dinner tonight," Benny said as he put meatballs strategically on the plates. Mom always make it look nice and so Benny has to do the same.

"Really?" Dad said in disbelief.

Benny nodded.

"That's great Benny but you didn't have to -

"It's alright. I'm old enough," Benny reminded, brushing off the guilt off Dad's face. "Besides it wasn't much of a hassle. I've seen Mom cook a million times." It wasn't so bad except Benny overcooked the meatballs slightly just to be safe. "Besides I'm kind of tired of getting take out." Dad knows how to cook and all but he saw no point in cooking when it's just the two of them. It's been only three days that Mom's away and Benny's already tired of Chinese food and pizza and wings and sandwiches from the local deli.

Dad gave him a small smile and petted his hair.

Dad is not the same when Mom is gone. But neither is Mom. When Dad is gone twice a year, Mom gets really sad. She would pretend she's fine though but Benny knows. They both look after Benny well when the other is away but on their free time, they get funny.

When Mom is gone, Dad just sits on the couch and watches TV.

And when Dad's gone, Mom lingers in the basement. It's not weird or anything, there's a couch for her to sit down there. And books too and board games. When Mom goes in the basement, she always takes Benny with her. Probably since he was a baby. It's like another room. The earliest thing he can remember is when he was six and they were in the basement playing with his blocks. He was having fun until he tried to go up to get some more toys.

"Mommy," Benny said as they went to his room.

"Yes, baby?" Mom said as she helped carry some toys back into the basement.

"Why do we play in the basement when Daddy's away?"

"I- I, It's our little secret club when Daddy's away. It's nice, no?"

"It is nice. But Daddy should be here too."

"Daddy's not here right now and he wouldn't want us to be here when he's away. So it's our secret club. Just you and me. No one else."

"I like that."

It was just like any other room except Mom lets them eat there too. And sleep. They sort of live in the basement until Dad comes back.

It's a nice basement with bright wallpaper and has a TV set too and his instruments.

Except Benny doesn't like going there as much when Dad's away. Benny is older and finds it a bit odd now that Mom sort of lives there. He's more content being in his room since he was ten years old but Mom doesn't mind. She doesn't take him there. But he does go inside the basement from time to time to check up on her. And sleep with her. Because he doesn't like the idea of her sleeping on her own there.

He kind of regrets for saying Mom should go. Because he hates seeing Dad like this. But soon Mom will be back and things will be back to normal.

* * *

Joss thinks that Mr. Dameron is cute. All the girls do. Some boys too.

Benny can't see it.

Mr. Dameron is old. Maybe a little older than Dad. Mr. Dameron has dark curly hair and a beard and dresses like a College professor. He's nice though. And him and his friends like him too. (He and Joss have the same period together while Max and Greg have in a different period). Joss can't help but to stare at Mr. Dameron all doll eyed.

Mr. Dameron is nice, he speaks in a soft raspy tone and always dresses warmly. He doesn't make them take notes or anything. He leaves it as a choice. He doesn't even write things on the board or have slides and so if you want to take notes you have to listen really good or read the book. It's really weird to Benny because every teacher he had writes things down. Mr. Dameron just lectures. Other teachers check up on notebooks and notes but Mr. Dameron doesn't. Mr. Dameron is very, very laid back.

Dad says that it's common for College professors to that.

It's just...very unconventional.

Mr. Dameron does put class participation as a part of grades. So that is something. Something conventional. He also takes account to tests and labs. But that's a bit weird because every day he has a lab or group activity. Benny's not a science person and so he dreads applying stuff to real life. At least he has Joss as a partner to help him out.

Mr. Dameron feels like a teacher though. He takes charge. He's been here for the last four days and it already feels like that it's his class. He's really...out there. Not crazy out there, just very free spirited.

He's very smart though. He knows his stuff. He doesn't even open the book when he lectures like Mr. Romano. Mr. Dameron knows science by heart.

"I don't really like Mr. Dameron," Benny admitted to his Dad over dinner.

Dad laughed. "Why?"

Benny shrugged. "I don't know. He's nice and all it's just he's very out there."

"How's the class?"

"I'm doing okay it's just his teaching style is very different."

"Well if you have trouble I can always help you with your homework."

"I haven't gotten homework yet. I feel like that he's the type to not give out homework."

"That'll be odd. Homework helps students remember the lessons."

Benny sighed. "All my friends like him and I don't want to be the only one that isn't a fan of him."

Ben patted his son's hair. "It'll all be okay. Whatever happens Mom and I will help you learn."

"He's so out there - he brings his droid every day to school."

"A droid?"

Benny nodded. "BB-8 I think - that's the name of his droid."

"A droid? He brings a droid?"

"He made it himself. It's fully functional. Moves on its own."

"This guy sounds nuts," Ben laughed.

* * *

How was your trip - is something that Ben doesn't ask when she comes back.

It's because he already knows from the days she had been away. He calls her every single night she's been gone. Texts whenever there is a free moment.

He holds her. Kisses her. Before saying anything.

Caresses her cheek.

"Where's Benny?" she asks before things get heated.

"He's sleeping over at Greg's house," Ben said peppering a kiss then.

"I was hoping he'd be home when I got back -

"He'll come back tomorrow - I just wanted some time."

"Alone?"

He nodded, his eyes lowering. "Yeah," he said softly.

"With me?" she asked, blushing.

He chuckled. "Of course," his voice went softer. He scooped her up in his arms then, just like that.

She wrapped her arms around him and kisses him. Kisses him, kisses every sharp angle of his. She presses herself close just to feel the warmth of his breath.

* * *

She's only been away for five days and yet it felt like she's been gone for a long time.

She missed the PTA meeting and missed meeting Benny's new teacher. But she will get the chance soon. The meetings were once a week.

Rey likes being involved with the school and anything Benny related from sports to clubs. She doesn't mind baking two hundred cupcakes or driving around the team or helping fund her son's clubs and setting up events. She likes being involved.

Ben helps out from time to time. But has work most of the hours.

Rey doesn't mind because she likes some to herself and for Benny.

Benny's getting so big now. He's twelve but soon he's going to be gone.

"How was Benny when I was away?" she asked as she folded the laundry. Benny was hanging out with his friends and it was just her and Ben.

"He was good as usual - he's getting so big now. He cooked some meals on his own and vacuumed and even washed the dishes without me asking."

"Really?"

"I guess he picked up a thing or two from watching you," Ben laughed. He helped Rey by putting the folded laundry into the right drawers and compartments.

Benny's not helpless it's just Rey and Ben like taking care of him. Benny was their baby still.

"He's growing up. I've been gone for only a couple of days but he seems taller," she couldn't help but sigh. "Or is that just me?"

"I can't tell. Every time I see him I just see him as my baby boy."

"He's going to go through puberty soon and getting even bigger. And his voice won't be the same." She likes Benny's soft high pitched voice.

Ben chuckled and rubbed his wife's back. She's dreading the day when Benny grows up. "I'll be okay as long as he never cuts his curls."

"Or strengthens it," she jabbed at her husband. She's seen pictures of her husband at her mother in law's house. Pictures of Ben in black clothing and strengthened hair that covered half his face.

"Well if he does do it, it's only natural. Kids that stage need to experiment in order to find themselves."

"Ben," she calls out for him.

"Yes?"

"Can we have another baby?"

He takes no time in jumping on her.

* * *

The baby looks like him. This is the first thought that enters her mind when she's holding her newborn for the first time. Her baby was clean and bundled up with his sling properly secured underneath. She's being extra careful, delicate with her son. Son - she has a son. She can barely process it. She has a son now. The baby was asleep, peacefully sucking on his pacifier.

She stroked his cheek and held him closer to her chest. Her eyes flickered in amazement. The baby looks like him. Exactly. Almost identical except he has her nose. It's surreal. The baby looks like him but she doesn't feel anything negative towards him. No hatred. No resentment. No horror. Just...awe. He's just a baby. He didn't ask to be born. He didn't have a choice in his parents. He's just a little thing. He's so small, so fragile. He's adorable, she keeps thinking. Even though the baby looks like Ben, he's beautiful. Tiny little curls, pudgy cheeks, swollen face. Poor baby, he never asked for this and already went through so much. He never asked to be suffocated by the umbilical cord. He never asked to be given a fractured arm. The doctors had to act fast with the baby and accidentally hurt his arm.

It's amazing, that the baby looks like him and yet she finds her baby very beautiful. Her baby looks like the monster and yet she sees her baby as nothing but beautiful. Just beautiful.

She loves him, she loves her son. She feared for months that he would look like HIM and be traumatized. She feared for months that there was a possibility she could have post partum depression. There were so many things she was worried about but all those fears melted. Just like that. Her baby was more than HIM, her baby was also her. And that was the first time she had something of her own, someone of her own. She lifted her son and kissed him tenderly.

"Thank you," Ben whispered to her, pressing a kiss on her head. "I'm so proud of you, Rey."

She looked up and blinked. How can someone so sweet and pure come from him?

"Can I?" he asked gently.

Rey couldn't help but frown. "Will you...will you be careful?" she asked. She couldn't help but to be skeptical.

Ben chuckled. "Of course."

Before she can say anything, Ben takes the baby away. She watches intently as Ben held their son. "Hey little guy," he says, smiling brightly.

He touches their baby's arm.

"Be careful," Rey said sharply. "You broke my wrist." She doesn't forget that. "And the baby already has a sprained arm -

"I won't." No irritation. No animosity. Just fondness.

Ben's very gentle with the baby. There's a wide smile on his face. He looks almost harmless. "What should we name him?"

"Ben is fitting," she said slowly. She hated to name the baby after him. For months he insisted but Rey disagreed. She felt it was pompous but looking at their baby now - it made sense. Her - their baby looked like him.

"Are you sure?"

She stared at her baby and then at him and the way he was holding her baby. He loves the baby too - not as much as her but he loves the baby too. "Yes."

* * *

Benny was conceived from a moment of weakness from her. The monster struck a cord with her that night. Called her nothing. And she was very vulnerable. And he knew. He got underneath her skin. And he showed her a bit of affection, a bit of weakness too. She...didn't know what happened.

It just did.

But it didn't mean that she loved Ben.

No. During her pregnancy she resented him and was reminded that she was being manipulated and kept prisoner.

But, when he's holding her son, he doesn't look like a monster. He doesn't. He looks loving. A mirror of her son. Like a loving father.

And that puzzles her.

That he's involved. She expected to be taking care of the baby while Ben just uses her for his pleasure. But he's very involved. He changes the baby's diapers, cleans her breast pump, and helps sanitize things. He helps her even at nights.

Ben plays music. He plays guitar or bass to the baby. Sometimes while he's holding the baby too. He plays calming music. Music that the baby and she likes.

"I didn't know you played," she commented. When he holds the baby, she follows him. She gets very defensive when Ben's around the baby even though Ben hasn't done anything to their baby - yet.

He looked up and gave her a lopsided smile. He's playing the guitar right now with the baby in his arm. Ben's so big that he's able to hold the baby securely and play with both hands. He sees it, her interest in him. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me," he chuckled. He looked down and cooed at their son.

"Like what?" she asked like a skeptical child. Her eyebrows are furrowed.

"For one thing, I was this small as a baby," he chuckled faintly.

"Really?" It was hard to imagine that a giant like him was ever that small.

He laughed. "Yeah. That means one day baby's going to be big as me. Maybe even taller."

She frowned. She doesn't like that - that one day baby won't be a baby anymore. "You're super tall as it is. How tall are you?"

"Six foot three."

"Maybe baby will be in between our heights," she said.

"Maybe. It's still too early to know." Ben put down his guitar and held the baby to him with both arms. "Maybe you'll be big as daddy, huh little guy?" he asked slowly moving the baby's good arm. He chuckled and kissed the baby.

"What are the other things?" she mumbled.

"What things?" he looked up.

She couldn't help but to blush. It wasn't that he was making her nervous - it's just hard for her to talk - to him. "About you. Things that I don't know about you."

* * *

Rey misses it, misses being pregnant and having a baby around the house.

She misses it, feeling little feet kick her in her belly. She misses holding a little bundle of joy in her arms and watching the baby grow and change. Benny is still a baby in her eyes, but she knows he's going to be an adult before she knew it.

It's weird to admit, but she and Ben used to have sex while Benny was in the same room. It wasn't that weird, Benny was still a baby and they would do it when he's fast asleep in his crib. It would go like this, she would breastfeed Benny. Once Benny was done and asleep, she would put him in his crib and come back to bed and let her husband suck the remaining milk in her breasts. After he emptied them he would go in between her legs and eat her out. She loved when Ben did that. She loved him eating her - devouring her - greedily taking whatever her body produced. She loved it the most when her husband sucked her nipples and drank her milk. It was bonding, an intimate bonding. After he gets her to come at least twice from his mouth, he fucks her, fucks her in the bed. Rey would try her best to be quiet in fear of waking up her baby but her husband always get her to moan. It was hard not to, he felt so good in her and kisses her all up. She would keep her eyes focused on the crib during all of this - to make sure nothing happened to her baby. Benny never woke up though but she kept looking because it was comforting.

But also it was sweet. (It's weird that she feels this way but she can't help it). It was comforting as her husband fucked her for Rey to stare at her sleeping baby and be reminded that what happened to her made something beautiful. And the man that took her was not completely bad for her son was half of him and her son was perfect. Precious.

Ben doesn't mind that Rey watches their baby while he fucked her. In fact, he loves it. It's not like she gets off on it, she's just being nurturing. He loves her being attentive to their son - he loves that she loves their son. He spent nine months being afraid that she would hate their child and be repulsed but she wasn't. Even though Benny looked completely like him, she still adored their baby.

Whenever he wanted to enter into her, he doesn't go in automatically. He doesn't want to startle her and so before he does so, he would rub his tip along her slick as a light notification. Her eyes would be locked on to their baby still but the second he hear her moan and nod, he slips himself inside of her warmth. She agrees so easily with him, even with their first time together.

"You made a beautiful baby," Ben will always say when he's almost ready to come. His voice is always filled with gratitude when he tells her, with admiration.

She always look up and stare at him when he says that. Her cheeks always became flushed at the sight of his soft smile. In response, she will tell him, "No. We both did." Always. And she meant it.

He would smile and stroke her hair and cheek. "Do you regret me being your first time?" he would always ask in response.

"No," she would say. Every time he asked her, she became less and less hesitant. To a point that she's not.

And that's when he kisses her.

And it went like clock work. Routine. Every single day, they would do this until Benny was about nine months old and woke up one evening. It was funny because the first time Benny stood up was in his crib while she and Ben were in the middle of having sex. It makes Rey chuckle to remember seeing her baby stand up for the first time. Benny was waving and smiling at them, unaware what was happening but he was just happy to see his parents. (She and Ben were completely naked and in doggy position, she remembers clearly when her son first stood up.) Benny didn't know what was happening but found it funny and giggled, trying to get his parents' attention. Naturally they stopped doing that the second after and broke out in embarrassed chuckles as their baby smiled at them in glee and innocence. After that day, they had sex in the other room and kept a monitor nearby.

They miss having a baby around.

And that's why they're sort of...kind of...over doing it. They usually have sex once or twice a week since Benny got older but now that they're trying to have a baby, they're back to every single day.

It's different now. They want a baby and she loves him. And that means a lot to Ben because she willingly wants another child with him - from him. He wanted to have another child with her since Benny was three years old but he never said anything. The truth is, her loving their son was a miracle. Their son brought them together, was the glue. Their son was an exception and Ben wasn't sure that she wanted another one.

But now he can't get his hands off of her.

* * *

It takes forever for Rey to get her husband off of her. She wanted the moment to last but she had to go the PTA meeting. She's all bundled up in pants and a sweater but her legs are wobbly and she can feel his come dripping from her still. Rey doesn't mind. She likes the feeling of his come. It's warm and gooey.

Benny's at the movies with his friends and Ben has to get ready for a business meeting that was an hour from now.

She kind of wished she was at home so she could help Ben get ready but she needs to go to this meeting. She really wanted to meet Benny's new teacher. But it's going to be a while. This meeting parents are discussing their concerns. Some are actually real concerns but most are complaints.

Rey did her best to sit in her chair instead of slouching.

She's not interested in this. She wants to meet Benny's new teacher.

She sees him though - he's sitting on the opposite end of her. She can tell it's Benny's new teacher because she doesn't recognize him. He has dark hair and dark eyes to a point it's almost black. He looks bored, she can tell by the way he was slouched and the way he kept playing with his scarf.

Rey knows little about Benny's new teacher besides that Benny doesn't really like him. Hopefully this new teacher is a decent teacher and Benny's feelings are just from difficulty to adjust and not something else.

This meeting is unbearable. Or feels more unbearable that usual. She's very impatient and during it she decided to google Poe Dameron. His name sounded very familiar to her from the start. And she wanted to know why. After a few clicks she found out that he is pretty well known in his field and for building droids. Most likely she heard of his name from news articles. It's probably one of those things - like you know certain things from the media like for some reason she knows some of the names of reality TV stars even though she doesn't watch those shows.

The second the principal called for a ten minute break, she makes a beeline for him.

"Hi," she said, introducing herself. "You're Mr. Dameron, is that correct?"

Mr. Dameron nodded as he held out his hand to her. "Yes I am - and you are?"

"I'm Benny Solo's mom."

"Please to meet you," he gave her a warm smile. "Your son is a very sweet kid."

Rey couldn't help but to beam in pride. "How do you like teaching here?" she asked.

"I like it. It's my first time teaching at a public school."

"Really?" The email didn't mention that.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "It's fine though. It'll just take a little more to adjust with a different system - I'm sorry for asking but have we met before?"

She blinked.

"You look really familiar - of someone that I used to know." He tilted his head slightly and blinked.

Rey shrugged. "I don't think we have met before."

He shook his head, pulling himself from staring. "You can call me Poe," he held out his hand again.

Rey shook his hand. "Nice to meet you Poe."

"And you are?"

"Mrs. Solo."


	5. Valentine's Day

Chapter Text

Mom and Dad had him before they got married.

But it's not a secret though.

There's pictures all around of their wedding and Benny's in some of them. He's about one or so, he thinks. As a kid he didn't think much of it, he just admired how pretty and loving mom looks in the pictures. Mom, all dressed in white - in a timeless looking dress. She's dressed in a long sleeved white dress that hits at her calves and it's silk or something. There's a small keyhole to show a bit of her skin. Her hair is sleek down and slightly colored honey brown at the ends. And she's wearing red lipstick too.

Mom is one of those moms that doesn't wear lipstick. She doesn't wear perfume either. Or does much to her hair.

But when she does though, you can't help but to stop and stare.

Benny found himself stopping frequently to stare at those photos growing up. He remembers clearly being like four or so and stopping by to look at them while eating his favorite snack. It made him smile seeing the captured moment of Mommy holding him when he was a baby and Daddy cooing. Dad looked nice too, he wore a black suit. Dad's always the same in all the pictures but Mom always looked a bit different.

It didn't occur to him that most parents get married first. It didn't occur to him that it was looked down if you didn't. He didn't find out until he was like nine or so. It was at Greg's annual summer pool party and he overheard some moms talking bad about Mom. Hell, he didn't put two and two together that his parents did have him first. So many things go over your head as a kid.

But it's not a big deal to him though. He doesn't care that people judge Mom. Mom is the best person there is. And he sure hell did tell those hateful moms off. Adults were so phony, they act all nice until the person leaves. Mom that day wasn't able to go because Dad was sick. It's even funnier that adults think that kids can't play and listen at the same time. He never yelled at adults before until that day.

Benny to this day has never told his parents about it. He doesn't want to make Mom sad. Because when Mom's sad, Dad gets very upset. And let's just say that Benny gets his temper from Dad. Besides, he sees no need to because no matter what, people are going to talk. That's the thing about a small town. Everybody knows everybody's business.

* * *

Valentine's Day was when they had their first kiss together.

They've kissed before but it was... circumstantial. Rey only kissed him willingly when she wanted something (which was never selfish but for their son). Like her asking for a Christmas tree. Or her asking for professional photos of their baby.

They didn't really have a first kiss until their first Valentine's Day with Benny. Benny was about five months old.

_She was given a credit card some time ago. But she doesn't use it as much. She does buy things but she doesn't really count buying essentials like groceries and things for the baby as excessive use. She was told that she could get anything she wanted but there was something off putting about it. She doesn't want to be careless with money. She doesn't want to ever forget those years on her own._

_But she makes her first purchase. Her first non-necessity purchase. _

_But it's not for her - it's for him._

_It's their first Valentine's Day together and she wanted to make it nice for him. Ben has been for the last five months has been well...sort of great. He loves Benny. Absolutely adores him. And he gives her anything that she asks. Like the Christmas tree. Like New Year's. New Year's Eve she asked for him to request the whole day off to be with her and Benny and he did. He even changed the basement._

_Rey wants to make it up to him. She got lingerie that she knew he'll like. It's lacy and sheer and white with little pink ribbons on the straps. It was strange buying something like this - she's never bought lingerie before. It was pricey too and she couldn't help but to blush throughout the whole process of walking into the boutique and purchasing it with Benny in the stroller. Besides being painfully embarrassed she was worried that the cashier would be concerned that a teenaged girl was buying such a thing. But the cashier was unfazed by the whole ordeal. _

_Maybe it's because it's almost going to be Valentine's Day? Or maybe she looked older?_

_Rey didn't know but she was thankful that the cashier didn't say anything. _

_Ben will like it._

_And that's what mattered. _

* * *

_She makes sure to think everything through before night came, before Ben came home from work. She had his mother watch Benny tonight and even put on some makeup and curled her hair. _

_She doesn't get into the lingerie. It seemed rather silly for her to be in it when he's not around. And so she's in her normal clothes making dinner for the both of them. Rey's not as a good cook like Ben but it's better for her to practice. It's not as bad - she has recipe books (books that she bought on his credit card - but it's for a good reason and not out of waste). (She can use the books for future meals)._

_She makes everything into the shape of a heart. _

_Is that too silly?_

_God she was so nervous. She just wants everything to be perfect._

_But things don't go right. The steak is burnt and dry and like cardboard. The heart shaped ravioli is over cooked and doesn't look like hearts. And the cookies are on the floor._

_Rey doesn't even have time to sigh. He would be home soon and so she immediately cleaned up the mess. It was better to hide her failed attempt than to show him on how inadequate she is as a human being. She can't provide for herself or him and the only thing she was good for was taking care of his son._

* * *

_It's his son, she feels. And that she was just the vessel. _

_He doesn't look at her longingly anymore. He doesn't look at her the same way as he once did. He doesn't beg for her like he once did. He stopped getting her things some time ago._

_That's why she likes asking things from him. Because he'll do it for her. He'll put in the effort. Like Christmas. She cherishes the memory. How he took her and Benny to the snow. And how he brought some mistletoe to kiss her. _

_Rey likes moments of normalcy. _

_Because during those moments it feels reel. That he met her in their favorite coffee shop. And he finally mustered a word to her. And the rest was history. _

_But those moments don't last._

_And they were not normal._

* * *

Maybe she started developing some feelings for him (not romantic feelings - feelings of rejection from him) on the day he introduced her to his parents.

Rey was five months pregnant and Ben decided it was time.

_She knows little to nothing about his parents. He talks about them from time to time but it's not much. His father only cares about himself and cheap thrills. His mother has lost a part of herself. _

_That's all she knows._

_Nervous, that's what he is right now. He keeps hovering by the mirror, fixing his hair and her. He wants to give them a good impression. He even got her a new outfit and insisted for her to put on some makeup. Rey decided to go along with it and to fight a better battle. He got her a nice dress. It was a presentable and semi casual dress. She was showing now and not even the loose fabric could hide it._

_"Did you tell them about me?" she asked, standing lifelessly as he fixed the collar of her dress._

_"Yes."_

_"When?"_

_He paused and tried to recollect. "Last month."_

_She blinked. That was a long time - and they were going now? Maybe they hated her and that's why Ben didn't want to bring her right away. Involuntarily, Rey began chewing at her nails._

_"Stop that," he said, pulling her hand away to maintain the glossy sheen. He had her nails done and painted at a salon and her hair too. _

_"Sorry," she said, frowning. Why...why was she nervous? It's not like she wanted approval. Let alone the baby. Or him._

* * *

_His mother used to be very beautiful, Rey found out through the few family photos in the house. His mom is still beautiful but she's been worn and aged by life. There's stress lines laced around her face and her skin is close to leather. The life in her is deteriorating but some is still there. But in her youth the fire in her was scorching hot. His mother now is not as slim as she used to be but it's expected at that age. His mother went through a lot pain and heartbreak over the years. _

_Rey can see it. She can see it from the white in his mother's hair._

_His father used to be very handsome too but his wild ways aged him. His hair is near all white and his body looks thin and brittle. She senses bitterness in the man._

_They don't look very happy._

_They're not speaking but just being in the same room together was making them miserable._

_For once Rey is thankful that Ben's arm is around her._

_The only moment the two looked genuinely happy was when they saw Ben. They spent five minutes hugging him. But once they were done they were staring at her in dead silence. _

_His mother paints a smile on her face though. It looks artificial like the way she did with her hair. Rey couldn't help but to wonder if his mother did her hair herself or got it done at a salon. "Nice to finally see you face to face, Rey," his mother greeted her. Her voice is raspy from all the years of smoking._

_Rey smiled back. "It's nice to meet you too -_

_"Mrs. Organa," his mother corrected._

_Rey nodded. She tensed up as she felt their eyes crept on to her belly. _

_Ben's mother tries to go along with small talk but his father interrupts it. "How far along are you?" his dad asked. Bluntly. To the point._

_Mrs. Organa let out a small sigh of relief._

_Rey blinked. She looked up at Ben. Ben bit his lip. _

_"She's five months," Ben spoke out for her._

_"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" his dad asked then._

_"Boy."_

_Rey watches his parents' shoulders relax. _

_"Well she's not as big for five months," his dad let out a chuckle. "You guys can still have a wedding. She can wear your grandmother's dress. It has a lot of folds and fabric."_

_Wedding? _

_"I already told you that we're not going to have a wedding," Ben said calmly._

_+"That's fine dear," his mother said then. "You don't have to have a wedding. There's nothing wrong with getting married at the courthouse -_

_"We're not going to get married."_

_His parents winced as if their son had stabbed them._

_"Why not?" Han asked Rey. His eyebrows were furrowed. "You don't want to marry my son? What? Is he not good enough or something?"_

_"I -_

_"It's not that, Dad," Ben said without any emotion. "We just feel no need to be married. That it's just paper. Our son's still going to have a mother and a father."_

_"You guys don't love each other?" Leia blinked. _

_"We love each other," Ben clarified calmly. "We are exclusive."_

_Leia raised her eyebrow. "But not enough to be together?"_

_"It'll be okay mom, we don't need paper."_

_Ben really shouldn't have said that. They started fighting not him and his parents - his parents were fighting - blaming each other for a failed marriage and affecting their son's view on love. And Ben just stood there in silence guiltily. Rey was silent as well. But she wasn't watching them. She was watching him and the way he was j+ust taking his parents fighting. Accepting it._

_His parents scream. They throw things at one another. Break things._

_That was the moment that she finally understood the way he was._

* * *

_She's cleaning up the failed Valentine's Day dinner with the memory of meeting his parents of the first time replaying in her mind. His parents were nice people but they weren't meant to be together. But at least they tried._

_Ben initially wanted to marry her but somewhere down the line he changed his mind. It's most likely because of his parents. She couldn't help but to feel rejected though. He loves her and said he wanted to give their son everything - but he didn't want to marry her - but it shouldn't matter. She doesn't love him - she's forced into this - to be with him - to play pretend - to lie to his family and their neighbors - but their son - their son was real._

_Rey couldn't help but to touch her bracelet for comfort. _

_He's not as bad as she once thought him to be. He's very lonely. Very quiet. He grew up watching his parents desperately trying to make things work over and over again until there was nothing. _

_He understands her. They are both very lonely people. They both crave for normalcy._

* * *

You don't forget your first Valentine's with your husband.

You don't.

You don't forget seeing him come home with roses and candy. You don't forget seeing his confusion that their son wasn't there.

_"Where's Benny?" he asked as he put the take out dinners on the table._

_"He's with your mother," Rey said exhaling. She bit her lip. "I - I thought it would be nice - for us to just be...the two of us."_

_She watches his eyes widen slightly. "That's very nice of you."_

_Rey kicked the small trashcan behind her, attempting to hide the evidence of a failed dinner. _

_But he doesn't seem to notice - it wasn't really on his mind. _

_She sees what's on his mind, can tell by the way his eyes were becoming hooded. "Are you hungry?" she asked, shuffling her feet._

_"Not really."_

_She took a deep breath. "Do you...want to?"_

_"Want to what?"_

_She takes him by the hand. "Come here," she said. She doesn't want to say those words out loud. _

Rey remembers how awkward it was.

Ben was very confused that night. In disbelief of what was happening.

She had to initiate everything.

And that's something that Rey's not very good at.

_"I got a...dress," she explained, her eyes staring at her feet._

_"A dress? What kind of dress?"_

_She mumbled. "I'll show you - is the door locked?" she blushed. Even though it's just the two of them she wanted to make sure that no one else could walk in or see. She went to cover the window. First the blinds and then the curtains. And then another layer of sheeting. "You...should sit." Rey went to pull out the dress from the paper bag. It was neatly folded. _

_"I was going to put it on but I wasn't sure if you want to dress me." He likes dressing and undressing her. _

_"I want to dress you - is that okay?" he was blushing too._

_Rey blushed harder. Why...why is this so awkward? They've done it before. _

_Ben touches her cheek. And it makes her feel a tiny bit better. That he's going to take control. And all she has to do is just go along._

_He lifted up her arms and pulled the layers off. One by one, unrolling and tugging gently. Rey stayed still, allowing him to do so. She's bare now but it's not for long. She knows by the way his gaze is lingering across her body. His fingers are skimming along her flesh. And then - he puts the lingerie on her. _

_It's short and shear. It barely covers her but he likes that. He likes seeing her entire body that's being covered in a thin layer of lace. He likes seeing the thin fabric draping her, working along her curves. She knows this. She can see it by the way he was fascinated by the way her nipples were poking through and the thinness of the straps with the pretty pink ribbons. _

_He likes to stare at her._

_But she doesn't mind it anymore. _

_When he looks at her, he stops everything and he looks at her as if she was the only person in the world. He looks so much like Benny - has many mannerisms of Benny. She can't really hate him. _

_"You're beautiful," he says in awe. _

_And that's when she kisses him._

* * *

_She can feel his happiness when he touches her. She couldn't help but feel the same too. He's so thrilled. Eager. He has her underneath him. And he's moving so much. The bed is hitting the wall. _

_She usually senses his guilt and disgust with himself but she can't feel it right now. _

_Rey just feels how much he really, really likes her. She keeps kissing him. _

_"I love you," he says._

_She couldn't help but hide her face into his arm. Rey can hear it, his moaning. She pulls away to kiss his cheeks. _

_He's smiling now, grinning. He's really happy. "This is how I wanted our first time to be sweetheart. I didn't want you to cry."_

She cried?

She cried during their first time?

_**"No -** _

_**"Shh, it'll be okay sweetheart."** _

_**"Stop - stop - **_

Rey pulled away and recalled what happened after they had sex on their Valentine's together.

He gave her a ring.

_"I didn't - I thought," she was tongue tied. Stunned. "I thought you didn't believe in marriage."_

_Ben chuckled as he slipped the ring on her finger. "I said I didn't believe in paper. You're my wife regardless of what a sheet of a paper says."_

_"You think of me as your wife?"_

_He laughed again. "You're my wife," he emphasized. "No matter what. If you want a wedding to make it feel real, we can."_

* * *

"Has anyone see my baseball mitt?!" Benny hollered as he scrambled about in the house. "I have practice that's in thirty minutes!" He was frantic. He always bought baseball mitts but kept losing them. They're like the hair ties to Benny, Mom says - that no matter how many you buy, that you were meant to lose them.

"You have to start keep track, kid," Dad chuckled as he followed his son.

Benny frowned. "I try! It's just - I need to find it!" he dived down to search under his bed.

Dad yanks him out. "It's gone in the Bermuda triangle, son. It's okay, we'll buy one on the way. I'll drop you off too."

Benny wrinkled his nose and smiled. "Thanks Dad." He forgets how strong Dad is. That Dad can lift him with ease as if he weighed nothing.

"Get my keys while I lock the doors."

Benny nodded and ran into Mom and Dad's room. He made a beeline for the drawer and dug through for mess for the keys - there's some photographs. Not some. A stack. Photographs that he's never seen before.

Benny blinked.

They're pictures of Mom except she looks very young. She must be a couple years older than Benny in the photos. He's never seen pictures of her as a kid. He skimmed through a handful of pictures that he's managed to put in his hand. They're all strange - all the photos she's not looking directly at the camera. All the photos she's doing something and it looks natural. Not the fake staging, it looks like she's unaware of being photographed. What's that word? Candids. They were candids.

Most of the photos were her in the coffee shop.

Others of the photos were random - at the park, at the gas station, at the mall.

"Benny did you get the keys yet?"

"What are these? Was Mom doing some art project or something?" Benny asked. "I never seen these before."

"I told you to never go through that drawer."

Benny blinked. "I was looking for the keys -

"It's always going to be the drawer on the left," Ben reminded his son sternly.

"Sorry I was rushing - I wasn't really thinking -

"It's alright," his Dad said as he took the photos from Benny's hand. "Come on, let's go. We don't want you to be late," his dad said as he put the photos away.


	6. What Happened to Rey?

On the night that he took her, he wore all black.

Gloves and all.

He wore a mask.

* * *

_"Why did you take me?"_

* * *

It started as one picture.

Just one.

He wanted to remember how the lost girl looked like. She's so afraid. And so quiet. She's always moving. She lingers into different towns but keeps coming back here but he knew that soon she'll find another place to feel safe.

But one picture wasn't enough.

For he couldn't capture her smiling. She rarely smiles but when she does it's something beautiful. It warms him. He wanted to have that moment forever. Before she goes.

It's not him that's the reason that she's thinking of moving. He keeps his distance. It's her loneliness. It consumes her. Makes her tremble and shiver all through the night. And the only thing that she could do was to move, to keep herself busy from feeling the emptiness.

He knows her though, he knows that she's not supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be bright and warm. He feels it in her, bubbling underneath the layer of protection.

* * *

He's seen her be genuinely happy once.

It was raining and he was in the convenient store purchasing some things. He saw her through the glass, standing on the other side of the street. She caught his eye for she was familiar. She was the girl he started to see at the coffee shop for the last few months. He's been going there for years and so she stood out. She was new.

He blinked as he reached for a pack of beer. She was just standing there in the rain. Her umbrella was still wrapped up but she didn't mind that she was getting wet. In fact her hand was out, reaching for the rain drops to kiss her fingertips. She was happy. Beaming.

He blinked in awe at the sight.

If he could go back to that moment he would have taken a picture of her but he was frozen. Maybe if he could then all these feelings would never exist. Maybe if he did he would have left her be. Maybe if he did she would have been nothing to him but a stranger he saw on his route.

For that was the day he fell for her and wished he was the rain that made her smile.

* * *

He still keeps her in the basement even though she was pregnant.

She doesn't even know she's pregnant.

Ben doesn't know how to tell her. He doesn't know how she'll take it. He doesn't need tests. He knows. He's been trying to hint it to her for the last few weeks. Poking at her morning sickness and loss of appetite.

But Rey responds and says it's due to the lack of sunlight and fresh air.

He never goes beyond with this argument for that was partly true and maybe the reason that her morning sickness was so violent. She was being restricted from basic necessities but he does provide her with a lot of supplements and alternative forms of iron.

He pokes at how she hasn't been using any feminine hygiene products in a while.

She responds and says that her period has always been irregular due to being so thin and that she's gone three months without a period before.

So carrying a baby will help her with her weight, he reminds himself.

"I'm fine," she tells him, swatting him away from hovering her. "I'm more than fine."

"Really?" he asks, going along with her obliviousness. Her innocence.

"I'm pretty fine circumstance wise," she said groaning as he traced the dark circles underneath her eyes. "I just want to be left alone."

"I don't want to leave you tonight," he tells her as his fingers grasped her cheekbones. He hopes their child has her cheekbones, her structure, every inch of her.

She lifted her dress then for him.

Is she bargaining for him to leave? For him to sleep with her in order to have some time alone? Or is she doing this because she's used to this now?

"I don't want to," he said as he tugged her dress down.

She blinked. "Really?"

She's used to rejection but not from him.

He shook his head. "I'm not in the mood."

"What do you want from me?" she asked defensively, tensing up.

She's panicking, he knew. She just wants to be wanted, that lonely girl.

"I should have never taken you," he whispered, moving his hands from her.

"Why -why don't you - let me go?" she asked, barely getting the words out.

You're carrying my child, he wanted to say.

"Do you regret taking me? Or is it because you don't want me anymore?"

Ben kissed her then. This time she's not as reluctant. He kisses her some more. She kisses him back.

"I'm not broken," she tells him. "I've been sickish lately but I'm not sick. I'm not broken," she promises. "I know you've been looking at me differently but I'm not defective," she heaves, tears running from her eyes as she tugged him to go on top of her. He keeps kissing her. "This is normal for me," she vows, lifting her dress up.

Only monsters go on with hurting little girls.

"It's not you - it's me," he tells her, watching her slowly lift up her dress. "I feel like I've done something to you - more than usual." He's a monster, he shouldn't be enjoying the sight. His fingers run up her thighs without a thought. He should be shaken that she's not being herself and not fighting him - that she's not hitting or clawing him but he's a monster. He likes her submitting to him.

She shook her head. "No you haven't."

_I have_. He wanted to say. He never used any protection with her in all the times he slept with her. And he never stopped himself from coming inside. He never gave her birth control or a plan b. And they have sex on an almost daily basis since her first time. He has scars to prove it - of all the times she resisted and fought him off but he overpowered her.

A good person would have stopped.

But he wasn't a good person.

He was needy, just like her. And she needed a reminder how much he wanted her. And that's why half the times she goes along with him. Because of the emptiness in her and her need for it to be filled.

* * *

She's not the only one that's suffering.

He reminds himself as he stared at the sleeping girl.

If only he had spoken to her, things would have been different.

Or maybe it wouldn't. And he wouldn't see her ever again.

She's better here. Safer. Here he doesn't have to ever wear a mask ever again.

* * *

The next day after work instead of getting take out he went straight home. It was raining and she was locked up.

And she loved the rain.

When he inside the basement, she looked more frightened than usual. It's because he doesn't have food and a gift for her. She's sitting on the bed. Drawing. Or was. She was still now, staring blankly.

"It's raining," he tells her.

She blinked in disbelief. "Really? I didn't hear anything -

"The basement is soundproof," he reminded her, extending his hand out.

Rey raised her eyebrow.

"I know how much you love the rain," he tells her, pulling her up.

* * *

He keeps his distance from her.

He wants this moment to be hers.

He stood there underneath the roof while she was out there being kissed by the raindrops. And he sees it, the delight in her eyes. Her brightened smile. She was moving about, following the dancing water.

But all Ben could think about was taking her back to shelter from getting sick.

He restrains the urge to and allows her to have one moment on her own.

Twenty minutes passed but she's still out there. He says nothing. She's going to get sick but it's been a long time since he had seen her truly happy.

They stayed outside until it stopped.

And when it stopped -

So did she.

He watched her freeze in place.

Watched all the light slowly escape from her. She was completely soaked and dripping. There was water dripping down her cheeks. From the rain and from her tears.

* * *

Rey tried escaping once with Benny.

He was still a baby then.

And Ben was at work.

And that was when she decided to do it. She packed her things and latched Benny into the stroller and pacifier. She walked two miles with a backpack and two bags in the stroller to the nearest atm.

She would have taken the car but she didn't want to be tracked.

She took out all the money in the card.

Five hundred dollars.

And then she cut up the card.

And put the money in her bag. She had a credit card too but that was too risky.

She took him and her to a bus that lead to the subway. And she bought a ticket to the furthest place.

The subway wouldn't come for another thirty minutes. And so she fed Benny. To her surprise there was still a lot of time left. And so she changed him too.

She sat there, holding him close to her chest. "I don't mind you," she told him. "Not like I used to," she admitted in a low voice.

Rey had felt no attachment to Benny when he was in her belly.

It's heartless and cruel for a mother to feel.

But she was young.

She can still recall her horror as she felt her unnamed baby kick her. She still remembers those endless nights crying and experiencing nausea twenty four seven for a good majority of her pregnancy.

She did not want to have the baby - _his_ baby. But he made her have it. She had no connection to the baby during the pregnancy at all. Rey was miserable. She was depressed. She was informed about the possibility of her having post partum depression by her doctor and was constantly monitored. She had no connection to the baby. She felt nothing. She didn't feel anger towards the baby. She felt indifferent to the thing inside of her and resentment towards the man that impregnated her. She didn't see the baby as a new life but an extension to _him. _

But that all changed when she saw Benny for the first time. Rey doesn't mean through the ultrasounds or anything, she means when she saw him physically. When he was born.

It was a different experience seeing the baby.

To see the baby crying. Moving. In pain. The baby even though he looked like Ben was completely his own person. She felt it - the new energy. She felt it. The baby was a new human. He didn't know anything. He needed someone. He needed her. He didn't ask to be born. He didn't ask for any of this.

Rey couldn't explain it - her sudden love for the baby. It was just there. Especially when she held Benny for the first time and felt how light he was - how fragile. Or how helpless he was. He could barely see. Could barely move. And how whenever he was hungry he would suck on her arm in search for milk.

He was cute. She couldn't help but to find him endearing when he yawned or hiccupped.

He was a rather calm baby. He didn't cry much. And she didn't mind when he did or when he peed on her. She didn't mind that she was in pain from birth for quite some time. She didn't mind that the baby was from her captor.

The baby was innocent.

He had no control in any of this.

And maybe that's why she loved him so much.

"I love you very much," she breathed as her eyes lowered at the baby. "It's just going to be us, okay?"

The baby didn't respond. He doesn't know what's going on.

She exhaled again.

She was about to put Benny in the stroller until a thought occurred to her.

Where would they go?

Where would they stay?

She didn't have much money for an apartment. She had about seven hundred dollars on her. The other two hundred was from her old work. If it was just her, she didn't mind sleeping in gas station bathrooms.

But it wasn't just her.

She had a baby.

And the baby would get very sick.

And she would have to work - but who will watch the baby? She doesn't have enough money for a sitter - and how about the baby's things? Rey barely made it by on her own. There was no way she could support the baby on the streets.

The baby would need formula and diapers and more clothes - everything.

She clung to her baby as she trembled. There was no way she could take care of him on her own. She looked up at her surroundings and for once in a long time she felt lost. Everyone was a stranger.

She felt so small.

She had to go back. For the baby's sake.

Rey put the baby in the stroller but she couldn't remember how to get home.

She couldn't recall the address.

Everything was getting blurry and she could barely breathe.

She reached for her bag and dug for her phone.

But she didn't have her phone.

She left it at home.

Rey took a deep breath and dug for loose coins. She'll just call him. He's going to yell at her and punish her but she didn't care. She just wanted him here.

She was having a panic attack, she knew.

She knows his number.

He had her sew his information in her bag for emergencies.

And so she called him.

God, her heart was beating so fast. There was no way she can go back on her own especially with the baby.

* * *

"Hello?"

She took a deep breath. "Ben," she said shakily. She was so nervous. It took her three times to dial his number correctly.

"Rey?"

He recognizes her voice so easily.

The fact comforts her.

"Rey?"

She didn't say anything.

"What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay -

"You're not okay," his voice is stern.

"I tried running away. I just want to go home. Please don't be mad at me." The baby woke up and started to cry. The sound of distress didn't make her feel any better. She felt more nervous and frightened.

"Where's the baby?"

"He's with- me," she swallowed, clutching onto the phone. "I'm scared. I want you to come here."

"Where are you?"

"I'm at the subway station -

"Just stay where you are, okay? I'll be there soon."

"O-kay."

It was then that she realized she still had the bracelet around her wrist.

* * *

Ben doesn't ask her why she tried to leave.

She's sorry he knew by the way she was holding him tightly and softly sobbing into his shirt.

He just takes them home. No questions asked.

He takes them home and they had a bath together. A warm bath always calmed her nerves. After bath they got dressed and he took them back into the basement instead of the bedroom.

"Why are we here?" she asked as she held their baby.

He kissed her forehead.

"I'm going to get some takeout for us. Is there anything in particular you want?"

"Anything is good," she said softly, blinking. He sees it, her reluctance on the tip of her tongue. But she swallows it for she knows not to take another step over the boundary.

He nodded. "I'll be right back," he said as he kissed her before locking the basement.

* * *

Benny always brings back Rey home.

Benny brings her back to her senses and reminds her that she couldn't make it out on her own.

Ben doesn't mind where Rey is as long as she was with their son. Because she never does anything rash when she was with Benny.

His wife's pregnancy wasn't an accident. Her pregnancy wasn't unintentional.

It was needed.

To keep her from withering away.

It was needed.

To keep her innocence alive.

* * *

On the night he took her, he wore all black.

Gloves and all.

He wore a mask.


	7. Author's Announcement

A/N: Hi guys so I decided not to post here anymore don't worry though! This story is actually completed on archive of our own. You can go there to finish the story!

/works/12979896/chapters/29673558


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